


slow show

by matchaz



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26007301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchaz/pseuds/matchaz
Summary: Naruto stood and walked to the whiteboard, where he scribbled BAND RULES at the top. “First rule,” he said, “Band members are not allowed to date each other,” and bent to codify his decree.“Um,” Sai said, “Is that really necessary?”“It’s just a precaution,” Naruto responded, pointedly avoiding eye contact with Sakura and Sasuke. The latter only scoffed.“Next rule,” he said, “That’s all I got. Any suggestions?”aka Naruto starts a band and falls in love somewhere along the way
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 82
Kudos: 184





	1. chapter 1

### chapter 1

Nothing felt better than this.

Naruto was sure of it, as he stood drowned out by the blinding stage lights, crowd rising and falling somewhere beneath him, fingers traveling up and down the neck of the guitar, other hand strumming with mindless ease. 

He lived in the heat of the moment, fed off of the energy from the crowd. It was electric, a synergy that couldn’t be replicated by any high. 

Too soon, the set was over. Naruto reveled in it: the howls of the crowd, the slight ache in his fingertips from pressing down on the frets, the sweat that had gathered on his brow. 

He walked off the stage, and the world closed in again. 

The post-show blues: it followed in the silence after the applause. No matter how many chances he got, it was never enough.

Shikamaru appeared beside him, clapping a hand onto his shoulder, “You did great, man. Thanks again for filling in tonight.” Naruto thought he should be thanking him, if anything. Chances to play shows were few and far between without a band of his own. He felt envy wash over him as he watched Shikamaru and his bandmates. If it felt this good just to fill in for a friend, he wondered how it would feel to stand on stage with a band of his own, belting out the lyrics to a song he had written.

“Yo, Naruto,” Shikamaru called to him, jostling him back to reality, “You staying for the rest of the show?” 

Naruto pulled out his phone, checked the time, and shrugged. “I can stay for one more song.” He shouldn’t, really, but he didn’t want to be alone just yet, left to wallow by himself in the afterglow.

He followed Shikamaru and Ino to the back of the crowd, and people he didn’t recognize began to shake his hand and pat his shoulder, showering him with comments like _nice job_ and _good show_ . Naruto thought, _I could get used to this,_ before realizing that he already had.

The lights dimmed again as the next performer took the stage. Naruto expected another band, but this time it was only a solitary boy. He could just barely make out his features from the back of the room, but he could see spiky black hair, with a glossy black guitar to match. “A soloist?” Naruto said, and Shikamaru shrugged, “Haven’t seen him around before.”

Naruto was seriously considering dipping when the first note striked. It shocked him in place. When the boy opened his mouth to sing, leaving was suddenly the last thing on Naruto’s mind. 

His voice was low, but firm and unwavering. Naruto wasn’t exactly listening to the lyrics, just sort of letting them wash over him. The tune he played wasn’t quite like anything Naruto had ever heard. It was ambient, tinged with a melancholy sort of yearning, and it made Naruto ache for some heartbreak not yet experienced. Technically speaking, Naruto could tell he was a good player. But there was something else that captivated him and held him hostage to the stage. The song drifted towards him, enveloped him, crawled down his throat, and suddenly Naruto wanted to know everything about the boy with the black guitar. 

The song ended. 

_Where had that come from?_ Naruto blinked for several seconds as the tunnel vision subsided.

In a rare show of restraint, Naruto said, “Hey, I think I’m gonna head out.” It was barely loud enough for Shikamaru to register, but it seemed to do the job. 

He took a long time to fall asleep that night, a silent promise taking root in his mind.

***  
  


Naruto was, predictably, late to class the next morning. He stumbled into the lecture hall fifteen minutes past eleven, hair undone and skateboard tucked under his arm. Sakura was drumming her pencil against her notebook, watching him warily as he navigated the aisle as silently as possible, whispering a series of ‘ _scuse me’s_ for damage control. 

“Don’t ask me to save you a seat if you’re going to be late,” she hissed as he settled down next to her. “Sorry, sorry,” he said as he busied himself with pulling out his laptop, “I was at the Basement last night, filling in for Choji.” 

Sakura nodded, “I know, I was at the show.” 

“What the hell?” Naruto spluttered, feeling betrayed. “You said you were busy when I asked you!” 

Sakura looked back down at her notebook, “Well, Ino said she could get me in for free.” 

Naruto just pouted and went back to his laptop. He had missed almost twenty minutes of lecture already, and spent the rest of the class trying to string together some semblance of understanding. 

Class ended, and thankfully Sakura didn’t pack up her things and hurry off to her next appointment. “Wanna get lunch?” Naruto offered, and she agreed. Sakura would be much more agreeable on a full stomach. 

The dining hall was packed this time of day, so he waited until they had settled at a table with their food before springing the question. “I have an idea,” Naruto began, and Sakura arched an eyebrow over her burger, “and I need your help.” 

It wasn’t exactly that he was afraid of Sakura’s answer, it was just that he felt a little guilty dragging her into this. It was Naruto’s ambition, afterall, and it seemed like it was asking a lot. He trudged ahead anyhow. “Do you wanna join my band?”

Sakura blinked, “You have a band?” 

“Yes. Well, no. Not yet. But I could?” 

Sakura just smiled and took a bite of her food, “Sure. You need me to play drums?”

Naruto was—relieved. Some part of him had expected having to beg, to rationalize and persuade. He wasn’t letting on just how seriously he was taking all of this, but he wouldn’t be surprised if this was just a bit of fun for Sakura. He nodded, “You’re the best match, since you played percussion in marching band.” 

Sakura chewed, contemplating. “Who’s gonna sing, then?” 

Naruto dug into his own food, appetite back in full force. “Don’t know yet. Why?”

“Usually bands with a girl will have her on vocals, not on the drums.”

“So you want to sing?”

Sakura snorted, “God, no. We can just be a little unconventional, then.”

Naruto grinned. He liked the sound of that. It felt like a milestone, to have Sakura by his side now. Everything suddenly felt much more possible than it had five minutes ago. 

“So, we need a bassist and another guitarist now. Maybe a vocalist too, if neither of them can sing,” Naruto listed. Good, this was good. Now that he had started, it would be impossible to stop.

Sakura clapped her hands together, “Got it. I’m like, getting excited now.”

Naruto had to agree. The music scene in their college town seemed lately to be bursting at its seams. Every week there were more shows, more names, more groups striving to be heard. He wasn’t content merely attending anymore, Naruto wanted in. He didn’t especially care about going mainstream or making it big, or even making it outside this town. More than anything, he wanted a place for himself on the stage. 

His thoughts strayed suddenly to the boy from last night. The memory came back to him in full force, and he remembered that sensation of drowning, being pulled deeper into the depths like a sailor to the sirens. Sakura had to call him back to reality. 

They parted ways after lunch, Sakura off to another class and Naruto on to his mission. 

His feet carried him to the old general store that doubled as his friends’ usual hangout spot. He wasn’t sure if they ever actually purchased anything from there, or just used the couches and the piano tucked into the corner. That’s how he found them today, Ino, Neji and Lee. 

“It’s Naruto!” Lee said when he caught sight of him, “What’s up man?” 

“I’m on a mission,” Naruto said, unable to contain himself, “to start my own band.”

Neji smiled, flicking his dark hair behind his shoulder. “Finally decided to join the cool kids?” 

“I am so happy to hear that, Naruto,” Lee said with unwavering eye contact, and Naruto knew he meant every word sincerely, because it was Lee.

“You’re too good to just be filling in for us,” Ino said, “Although you don’t really look the part yet.” 

Naruto frowned, turning on Ino, “The hell is that supposed to mean?” Although he already kind of knew. 

“She means you look like a jock, Naruto.” Neji offered. 

He knew his friends were sort of cut from a different cloth, and there were no shortage of jokes pointing out Naruto’s frat boy tendencies. 

“Whatever,” Naruto said, “As soon as I find a bassist. And another guitarist. And maybe a vocalist too, then you'll see.” 

“Wait!” Ino said suddenly, “I know a guy. This is, like, perfect.”

Naruto perked up, “Really?” This was going too well. He was averaging one new bandmate per hour; at this rate he’d be done before his next class. 

Ino nodded, typing at her phone, “His name is Sai and he plays bass, I met him in ochem, of all places…” But Naruto wasn’t really listening anymore. His thoughts were fluttering away again, the possibilities unfolding like a flower’s petals in bloom. 

  
***

Naruto skated to his next class as fast as he could without eating shit on the pavement. When he arrived at the lecture hall most of the seats were already filled, so he was forced to choose one in the last aisle. Naruto sighed. He tried to avoid sitting at the back of the room, with his concentration it made it too easy to forget that he was in class when he wasn’t completely immersed. 

As he bent down to tuck his skateboard away, someone settled into the seat next to him. Dark hair swung into his peripheral vision. Naruto turned and found himself looking at the boy with the black guitar.

He almost gasped, then quickly turned to face the front of the hall.

Naruto wondered how he could have missed him this whole semester up until now, because surely his presence would have been enough to draw his attention. For a brief moment Naruto wondered, stupidly, if the boy was just some sort of apparition that had materialized from his thoughts; surely this was too good and too coincidental to be true. 

He snuck another sideways glance—just to make sure—and took in as much as he could. Up close, Naruto could clearly see what had before just been vague outlines: the careful slope of his nose, the rise and fall of his lips as his tongue flicked out to part them, his skin, which had glowed bluish under the stage lights, now pale and luminous as he flexed his jaw. The boy’s eyes suddenly flicked over to Naruto’s, who averted his gaze with lightning speed. 

Naruto shifted in his seat, suddenly hyper aware of his every movement. If paying attention was going to be hard before, it was out of the question now. To his right the boy was jotting down notes, completely unaware of the brewing storm beside him. 

Would it be weird to start a conversation with him? _Hey man, I saw you play last night at the Basement. It was really good._ That wasn’t weird, right? Naruto didn’t think so. Then again, he was Naruto, and he tended to have a different threshold for that type of thing. 

He shook his head as if to clear the thoughts. What was he doing overthinking something like this? How uncharacteristic of him, Sakura would probably point out and laugh. For some reason though, he felt as if a lot was riding on this first interaction. 

By the time class ended, Naruto had made up his mind. The boy was packing up to leave. He gulped. Now or never. 

“Hey,” he began, and the boy turned his black eyes on him. Naruto froze. Up until now he had only seen his face in profile or from far away—staring at him like this, under the full weight of his gaze, was much more than he had anticipated. 

“Um,” Naruto tried to regain his composure and blurted, “I saw you last night.” Something inside him shriveled up and died.

The boy fixed him with a blank stare, “Excuse me?”

“At the Basement. I saw you perform. And I thought it was good. So, nice job.” _Kill me kill me kill me._

“Thank you,” the boy said, and stood up to leave. 

Naruto blinked. That couldn’t be it. Surely he hadn’t spent the past hour hyping himself up for something so anticlimactic. No—this could still be salvaged, he believed that. 

“Do you perform there often? Me and my friends had never seen you before,” Naruto said, before the boy was out of the aisle. 

The boy turned again to face him, “No, I don’t. Last night was the first time, actually.” 

Naruto stood and followed him out. “Right. I would’ve remembered seeing you perform,” he said, then gave himself a mental pat on the back. He had been stumbling before, but Naruto knew he could be good when he found his balance. 

“I’m Naruto, by the way,” he said.

“Sasuke.” 

Naruto nodded. They were walking together now, side by side, much to Naruto’s relief. He stole another glance at Sasuke’s profile, trying to gauge what the other was thinking, but his face was a mask of perfect indifference. Naruto wondered what it would take to change that. 

“Oh!” Naruto had an idea. “You only play solo, right?” he asked Sasuke, who nodded. 

“I’m actually looking for a guitarist for my band,” he said, and then before he could lose the nerve, “You interested?” He said it casually, like he was asking Sasuke if he wanted to get lunch, but inside he was strung out with anticipation.

Sasuke cast him a sideways glance, “That’s it?”

Naruto turned to him, relieved that at least it wasn’t an instant rejection. “What?”

“You’ve only seen me play once. You just learned my name a second ago.”

Naruto shrugged. He knew how this must look to Sasuke, but he played the indifference well. “I like your vibes.” 

“My _vibes._ ”

“Yeah,” Naruto stopped walking to face Sasuke, “So you in?”

Sasuke let out a noise akin to a laugh, “I...need to think about it.”

Naruto grinned. “Well, if you make up your mind, you know where to find me.”


	2. chapter 2

“ _Why did I say that to him?_ ” Naruto buried his head in his hands.

“So…do we have a guitarist or not?”

Naruto’s head snapped up, as he fixed Sakura with a frustrated look, “ _That’s_ all you have to say?” 

“He wants you to give him boy advice,” Ino offered. 

“Wait, Naruto’s gay?” Kiba said.

The four of them were sitting in the library, books and laptops splayed out before them, only there for the illusion that they were getting work done. 

“You guys—” Naruto was red now, he could feel the telltale warmth. “That is not the point! He just, he seems really cool, okay? And he’s a good player. I just wanted to get to know him, but now I look weird and obsessed.” It was all true, what he said. Perhaps there was more to it, but that was more than what Naruto wanted to divulge right now. 

“Mm-hm,” Ino said with a knowing smirk, “Well, I think you’re overreacting.”

“You’re just going to have to win him over,” Sakura said, exchanging a glance with Ino. Naruto made a face. He hated when they did that, it made him feel like a little kid left out of a grown-up conversation. 

“Man, how the fuck did I not know this?” Whatever it was, Kiba wasn’t in on it either. 

“Alright, boys, back to work,” Sakura said. 

They went back to their individual tasks for approximately three minutes before Ino’s phone lit up with a notification. She reached for it, and gasped after reading the message. 

“Good news,” she said with a smile, “Sai says he’s interested. I’m gonna give him your number.”

If Naruto was being honest, he had forgotten about the pending bassist position until now, his thoughts too busy swarming around the new spectacle that was Sasuke. “Epic,” he said. _One more to go._

***

Naruto wouldn’t have class with Sasuke for another two days. During that time, he took extra caution when walking around campus, secretly hoping Sasuke would materialize if he just thought about him enough. 

When Wednesday rolled around, Naruto booked it to CogSci 133, and realized too late that he was early. He remembered he had only caught Sasuke last time because he had been late to class. Naruto hovered around the entrance to the lecture hall for several minutes, trying to project an aura of casual confidence that said _I’m supposed to be here, I know what I’m doing._

Behind him, the professor began to lecture. At the same time, Sasuke appeared at the other end of the hallway. Naruto backtracked and made as if he was just striding up to the door, timing it so that he would collide with Sasuke at the entrance. 

He opened his mouth to greet him, but Sasuke interrupted with a slight smirk, “You were waiting for me?” 

Naruto blanched as if Sasuke had insulted him, which he might as well have. “You just got lucky,” he replied, trying to act unaffected. He had no idea how Sasuke managed it—that perpetually cool exterior. It was like looking at the surface of still water; Naruto was trying his hardest to cause a wave, a ripple, anything. 

They took two seats next to each other in the back of the hall again, Sasuke turning to his notebook and Naruto to his laptop. He might have started a conversation with him if it weren’t for the laser focus Sasuke was directing towards the professor. Naruto watched with envy, wishing he could channel that same concentration with ease. After he had been placed on academic probation his first year, he had promised Iruka he would dedicate all his efforts towards his studies. He intended on keeping his word, but that didn’t mean it had been easy. 

Perhaps that was what led to Naruto’s out of character fixation on Sasuke: he wanted that effortlessness, the way he was cool just because he was, not because he had convinced everyone else. 

After class, Naruto wasted no time. He turned to Sasuke and said, “So, have you made up your mind yet?” 

For a terrifying moment, Naruto thought Sasuke would have no idea what he was talking about. Then, he turned to Naruto slowly and said, “Yeah. The answer’s no.”

Naruto stared at him for several more seconds, waiting for the punchline. “Seriously?” He said after none came. 

Sasuke stood, “Good luck on your band and everything. But I don’t think it’s right for me.”

Naruto was hurt, to put it simply. The obvious thing about being open was that it always made you susceptible. Naruto had long learned to take those losses in stride, but it stung more coming from Sasuke. “You’re wrong,” he said, harsher than he intended. 

“Yeah?” Sasuke said, sounding amused, “And what makes you say that?” 

Naruto didn’t have an answer that wouldn’t make him sound like an absolute fool. _Because you seem really cool. Because I want to get to know you and this is the only way I know how. Because I haven’t stopped thinking about you ever since the first time I saw you, and I need to know why._

“You’re not even gonna give us a chance?” was what he settled on in the end. 

Sasuke gave a small sigh, “I just think I would benefit more by staying solo. It’s nothing personal.” 

His ego had been bruised, that much he could admit. But Naruto was nothing if not resilient, and that was enough for him to do anything he set his heart on. Iruka had told him something like that once, when he hadn’t made it onto the lacrosse team in middle school. He’d clung to those words ever since, repeated them in these moments of weakness. 

When he checked himself he found that his feelings towards Sasuke hadn’t budged—that strange infatuation still lingered, and he understood then that whatever was driving him wouldn’t be satiated so easily. 

“Come see us practice,” Naruto said, offering Sasuke an easy grin. “Then you might change your mind. Please?” 

Sasuke’s face was unreadable, but Naruto would try to decode it anyway. 

“Fine,” was all he said. Then, “Give me your phone.”

Naruto reached for his pocket, confused, “Uh, why?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “I need your number, don’t I?”

“Oh,” Naruto said, suppressing a grin, and handed him his phone.

Sasuke typed at it for several seconds before handing it back. Their fingertips brushed slightly during the exchange, and Naruto wondered if Sasuke felt that same warmth emanate from that pinnacle of connection. 

“See you soon,” Sasuke said, without looking into Naruto’s eyes. 

Naruto only grinned, “I hope you’re a man of your word, Sasuke. ‘Cause I know I am.” 

***

“SAKURA, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.”

Naruto was storming across campus, out the lecture hall and through the quad, his feet carrying him nowhere in particular except farther away from Sasuke.

Sakura’s voice, slightly fuzzy through the phone speaker, was its usual exasperated, “God, what is it now?” 

“Is it your _boyfriend?”_ A girl’s voice piped up from the background, probably Ino’s. Naruto rolled his eyes. 

“ _SHHH,”_ Sakura hissed, then turned her attention back to Naruto, “Well? Is it?”

Naruto made a frustrated noise that sent several curious looks from passerbys his way. He ducked out of their vision and into the Student Center, where it was loud enough that no one would be able to eavesdrop. 

“I may have invited Sasuke to our band practice,” he explained, “And we need to do really well or else he’ll think I’m a loser and will never look at me again.”

“Um,” Sakura said, “What band practice?”

“ _That’s_ the problem! Now you’re getting it,” he practically shouted, his emotions all bubbling over after being so carefully concealed in the face of Sasuke. 

Sakura heaved a sigh over the phone, “I’m free tonight after seven. Text Sai and tell him to meet us at the Basement. And stop yelling while I’m in the library, jeez.” With that, Sakura hung up. 

Naruto collapsed onto the table, relief stripping his body of tension. At least he could count on Sakura to still think straight, even if his emotional and cognitive stability had been compromised by Sasuke. He pulled out his phone and got to work. 

***

The Basement was not really a basement, but a ramshackle building five minutes off the main campus road, graffitied so many times over that no remnants of its original exterior were visible. Perhaps it was only named the Basement because it housed the underground. Being the closest venue to the university, it easily attracted the most students. There was also the Snake Belly farther down the block, the Comrade near East Campus. But none were quite as notorious as the Basement. 

Naruto felt a familiar excitement in his gut as he skated towards the venue, the same tingling anticipation he’d get before playing a show. But underneath that, a sense of fear. If things went badly tonight, his plans could prove completely useless, and he’d be back at square one. 

When he arrived, Sakura was already sitting on the bench out front, a cloud of smoke billowing in front of her. 

“How did you get us a practice room?” Naruto said, in lieu of a greeting. 

“I asked for Shikamaru’s time,” she said, offering him the cigarette in her hand. Naruto shook his head in decline; nicotine still scared him a little, if he was being honest. 

“And what, he just gave it to you?” Naruto asked. Shikamaru was a close friend, but he took his band seriously. It seemed strange for him to offer such a favor at a moment's notice. 

Sakura shrugged, “I have my ways.”

“Oh my god did you fuck Shikamaru.”

Sakura’s face contorted in disgust, “Fuck _off,_ ” she said, punching him with what was probably meant to be a playful jab, but had Naruto rubbing his sore bicep nonetheless. “ _Owwwww_ ,” he complained, “Christ, have you been working out or what?”

Sakura took another drag, “Nope. You’re just a p—”

“Excuse me, are you Naruto?”

The two of them spun around to face the source of the voice, a pale boy with side swept dark hair and a bass strapped to his back. A friendly grin spread across his face, “I’m Sai.” 

“Perfect, right on time.” Sakura said as she rose, stubbing her cigarette on the hard surface of the bench. “Shall we?” 

  
  


***

In hindsight, it would have been smart to come up with some sort of plan. Practice wasn’t really practice at first, as there wasn’t anything to actually play. Sakura and Sai had taken to looking to Naruto when things went awry or needed clarification, a responsibility he dutifully shouldered as the one who initiated the band business in the first place.

Sai proved to be plenty proficient at bass, the deep notes he plucked reverberating in Naruto’s chest. But there was still something slightly off-putting about him. He had to exchange only one glance with Sakura to know that she felt it too. Sai was friendly, but in a way that felt too formal and rehearsed. 

“Were you like, homeschooled or something?” Naruto asked suddenly. Sakura let out a shocked noise, “You can’t just ask that!”

Sai only smiled in response, “Is it that obvious?” To that, Naruto and Sakura let out a laugh, and like that the tension began to dissolve. 

“So,” Naruto said, after they had finished warming up, “Who’s gonna sing?”

The three of them exchanged glances. Sakura shook her head immediately, “Don’t look at me. This is between you two.” 

Naruto sighed, glancing at Sai and gesturing towards the mic, “Alright, you go first.” Naruto was almost never shy, always ready to hurl himself headfirst into whatever endeavor he wanted. For some reason, though, he faltered now. Something about singing seriously—not the way he sang badly along to the radio or at parties when he wasn’t sober—was a little bit mortifying. 

Sai only offered that easygoing smile, “No, no, I insist,” and gestured for Naruto to take the mic. 

“Rock paper scissors?” Sakura suggested from behind the drumset. 

In the end, Naruto lost two out of three, and heaved a sigh as he went to stand behind the mic. 

He wasn’t sure what to sing, so he began with the first song that came to mind. Iruka had played it in the car all the time when Naruto was a kid, so the lyrics were all but branded into his brain by now. 

The silence after he finished was as awkward as he imagined it would be. Sai spoke first, much to Naruto’s surprise. “That was pretty good.”

“Yeah,” Sakura agreed after a beat, “I’m impressed, Naruto.” 

Naruto’s head was spinning a little, “Huh? Seriously?” Sakura wasn’t one to flatter him unnecessarily, so he counted that as an honest opinion. 

He let out a nervous chuckle, “Well, then it’s settled. I’m a singer guys!”

***

Naruto left the Basement that night with a rekindled confidence. The three of them were ragtag, but there was real potential underneath, even Naruto could sense it. Together they had scrounged up some decent arrangements that were on their way to becoming full, fleshed-out songs. When they played they fit together surprisingly well, slipping into a flow and a rhythm that seemed to come more or less naturally. 

He was so lost in thought while cruising down the road, he almost missed the figure approaching him on the sidewalk. 

Naruto swerved to avoid the pedestrian with an inelegant jerk, and landed on the street instead.  
“Sorry man—” he stopped abruptly when he caught sight of the face under the streetlights. It was Sasuke, looking back at him with an expression of slight surprise. 

“Oh,” Naruto said, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Sasuke responded, “Everything alright?”

Naruto straightened hastily, “Yeah, just. Surprised, is all.”

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow. 

“Um,” Naruto reached a hand behind his head, a gesture that outed his discomfort. “Where you headed?”

Sasuke was making a lot of eye contact, while Naruto’s eyes were darting away like a fly from a swatter. “The same place you just came from, I’m guessing.”

Naruto turned to Sasuke, “The Basement? Kinda late for rehearsal, isn’t it?” The three of them had overstayed their allotted time in the practice room by about twenty minutes, so now it was nearly 10 o’clock. 

Sasuke only shrugged. “It’s easy to book a room at this time.” 

Naruto nodded, his foot rolling his skateboard forward then backwards again. 

The silence hung heavy over them for a moment before Sasuke spoke, “Did you...want to come with?” 

At this, Naruto’s head flew up. Sasuke had clearly misinterpreted his silence. _Ah, shit._ He probably looked desperate now, waiting like a lost puppy for Sasuke to come along so he could follow wherever he went. 

“Oh, that’s not what I—it’s fine really, I don’t wanna be a bother, you know?” He grappled for an explanation, trying not to cringe at his own words. 

Sasuke didn’t seem perturbed, “It’s fine. I’m going to one of ours, right? So it’s only fair.”

Naruto opened his mouth then closed it again. _Only fair._ Yes, this was just a simple transaction, then—nothing more, nothing less. Relief and disappointment warred furiously inside him. 

“Yeah, sure.” He said, then turned and followed Sasuke down the same road he had just skated down. The sidewalk was wide enough for them both, but Naruto trailed a step behind anyway, eyes trained to Sasuke’s back. He watched the way he carried himself: posture upright, hands tucked loosely into his front pockets, steps solid and sure. Every person, Naruto realized, had a shape and a design, a pattern of movements that allowed you to recognize them without even having to see their face. In that moment he was memorizing Sasuke’s shape, learning and drinking in his very essence. 

As if sensing Naruto’s thoughts, Sasuke turned and locked eyes with him under the yellow glow of the streetlights. This time, it was Sasuke who looked away first. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um idk how to format things on here so if it looks weird...sorry <3
> 
> ty for reading :0


	3. chapter 3

The practice room Sasuke had rented out was smaller than the one Naruto had been in, with no ample room to escape the overwhelming presence of each other. 

He watched as Sasuke pulled his guitar from his case, the same glossy black from that night, and plugged it into the amp at his feet. 

After he was set up he began to strum, not playing anything in particular but simply refamiliarizing himself with the feel of strings under his fingers.

“Why do you rent a practice room if you’re not in a band?” Naruto asked, after Sasuke had finished his warm up. 

“I prefer to be alone,” Sasuke said simply. Naruto thought about pointing out the obvious contradiction this statement was to his presence, but decided against it. 

He had expected this to be awkward, but Sasuke acted as if Naruto wasn’t even present, playing through his songs then backtracking and going over parts that were giving him difficulty. Naruto knew that Sasuke wasn’t a professional, but he was certainly something close. His playing didn’t have quite the same effect as it had the first time Naruto watched him perform, now without the backing track and with the frequent pauses. But he was entranced nonetheless, watching the deft way his fingers oriented themselves on the guitar’s neck. Sasuke’s face was not its usual mask of neutrality; when he played he knit his eyebrows slightly, his mouth set in a firm line, concentration evident in every feature. Naruto could only hope he looked this cool when he performed. 

After a lull Naruto spoke up again, “How long have you been playing?”

“Since I was 10,” Sasuke said. Naruto himself hadn’t picked up a guitar until he was 13. It was only several more years of practice, and cemented Naruto’s suspicion that Sasuke played as well as he did not only due to pure practice, but because of some unattainable, inborn talent.

After a pause Sasuke added, “This is my first guitar, actually.” 

Naruto felt his eyes bulge, “Wow. You had good taste for a ten year old.” Sasuke’s mouth quirked up in a small smile, and Naruto felt that familiar flutter of excitement, only now there was no show to be performed. 

“How do you keep it looking so new?” Naruto said, leaning forward in his chair to examine the instrument, “Mine get pretty beat up.”

Sasuke scoffed, “It’s called being careful.”

He was suddenly acutely aware of how close they were. If Naruto looked up right now the two of them would be face to face, only several inches of space hovering between them—closer than he had ever been but still impossibly far away. 

The silence hung heavy between them. Naruto dared to raise his eyes to meet Sasuke’s, searching for something, anything, that would betray how he felt inside. In this small room it was more obvious than ever, that undeniable pull that drew him in, and made him ache. 

“Be honest,” Naruto said, voice softer than he intended, “Why won’t you join my band?”

At this, Sasuke pulled away, turning his eyes back to the guitar, “I told you already. I’m focusing on solo.”

“You can still play solo while in a band,” Naruto pointed out. 

Sasuke shrugged, “True. That’s why I’m coming to your practice, isn’t it? To see if you're worth it.”

Naruto wasn’t sure if he had meant for that to come out as arrogant as it did, but it certainly worked. “You sure think highly of yourself,” he said, half as a joke, half to poke Sasuke and see how he’d respond. 

“You think highly of me, too.” he responded, giving Naruto a pointed glance, “Aren’t you the one who invited me to be in your band after only seeing me play once?”

Naruto flushed. It was true—he had even admitted this, after all—but the smug way Sasuke said it somehow made it so much worse. Naruto only rolled his eyes and rose from his seat, desperate to hide his burning face. For some reason, it had become necessary for him to appear as calm and unaffected as possible. 

Sasuke let the matter drop. The guitar playing resumed soon after. But there was a tension in the air now, brought on by the strange game played by the two of them. 

This time, it was Sasuke who broke the silence. “Why me?”

Naruto looked up, “Huh?”

“Why do you want  _ me  _ in your band? And don’t say it’s ‘cause we vibe,” he added quickly.

Naruto saw the choices span out before him: He could crack a joke, but it seemed that decision had already been made. He could tell a half truth, something that was just sufficient enough to hold off any more questions. Or he could be honest, lay his heart bare and let Sasuke do with it whatever he wanted. 

That desire to present himself as cooler than he actually was persisted; and yet he didn’t want to lie outright to Sasuke by putting up a front. Fine then. For him, he’d just have to be his best, most polished self. 

Naruto shrugged, “Because I like you.”

It had the desired effect. Sasuke stiffened visibly, an unrefined “Hah?” slipping from between his lips. Naruto fought the urge to laugh. Finally,  _ finally,  _ he’d done it—that ripple on the surface of a lake. Sasuke was not as untouchable as he had thought, afterall. 

“I think you’re a good performer,” Naruto clarified, “And you write your own shit. What’s not to like?”

Sasuke had regained himself, now plucking at his guitar strings. “Haven’t you ever heard that flattery won’t get you anywhere?” 

Naruto arched an eyebrow in confusion, “Um, I think it’s the other way around. Flattery will get you  _ everywhere _ .” He could feel Sasuke’s eye roll without even glancing at him.

“How do you do it, anyway? Write your own music, I mean.” Naruto had tried his hand at songwriting before, but the process was so convoluted and overwhelming, all he had ever managed were singular riffs. It didn’t help that he never had a band to accompany him. But he had no excuses, not when Sasuke existed. 

“It’s a process,” Sasuke responded, which wasn’t really an answer at all. Naruto waited for him to elaborate, but Sasuke seemed to be waiting for Naruto’s prodding.

“How does the process start? And how does it lead to, you know, a full song?” _ How did he fill in those blanks? _ How did he possess the ability and the patience that evaded Naruto? These were questions he wanted to ask, but held back from. He’d flattered Sasuke enough for one night. 

“It starts with...a feeling,” Sasuke said, “An idea. Everything else just follows.” 

So this is what a prodigy sounds like, Naruto thought with only a hint of bitterness. Truthfully, from the moment he laid eyes on Sasuke he had understood that something set him apart. But Naruto wasn’t content with just that knowledge, he wanted to know more and more, if Sasuke would allow him. 

“What about that first song you played at your set?" Naruto asked, “What feeling was that?” He was aware that he was asking a lot tonight, perhaps too much, but the memory of that song and the strange sadness he felt were still imprinted in his mind as if no time had passed. 

Sasuke turned in his seat, locking eyes with Naruto. “That’s for you to decide,” he said. Then, as if reading his mind, “What did  _ you  _ feel?” 

He gulped under his gaze. Once again, Naruto was hoarding words he could never admit out loud. “Sad,” he said lamely. 

But Sasuke nodded in acceptance, “That’s better than nothing.” 

Naruto thought it unfathomable to listen to Sasuke play and feel nothing. He imagined this was quite the compliment for a musician, and debated saying it out loud, but by then Sasuke had resumed his practice. 

“What was that first song called?” Naruto asked when the playing ceased. He wasn’t sure why, but it was important for him to know this. 

Sasuke responded without looking up, “Alison.”

At this, Naruto started. “Who the fuck is Alison?” he said, fearing the worst. 

Sasuke snorted, clearly amused at his reaction. “Nobody. I made it up.” 

Naruto sat back in his seat, blushing again. He asked Sasuke more questions after that, but restrained himself to the simple ones that all college acquaintances exchanged. 

He learned that Sasuke was double majoring in music composition and philosophy. Naruto, a communications major, found this unconventional and impressive, like he did most things about Sasuke. He learned that Sasuke wasn’t close with his parents, but he had an older brother he usually got along with. He learned that his hometown was close to Naruto’s, a half hour drive at most. 

He learned all this, while the one thing he really wanted to know still weighed heavy like a burden in the back of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is a reference to alison by slowdive if ur curious :P
> 
> ty for reading!


	4. chapter 4

_sakura: practice is tonight at 8_

_sakura: you can invite ur bf now_

_sakura: :D_

Naruto stared at the messages on his phone and debated how to respond. In the end he just thumbs-upped all of them and slid the device back into his pocket. 

He had more pressing matters on his mind—specifically, class with Sasuke. 

Naruto hadn’t seen the other boy since rehearsal several days ago. He wasn’t sure what he expected to happen now, but he felt as if some boundary had been broached, and things were on track to change. Nervous anticipation thrummed in him as he took a seat in the lecture hall. 

Sasuke was late to class again. Naruto wondered if he was doing it on purpose. This time they didn’t sit next to each other, and Naruto had to crane his head to try and make eye contact. Sasuke let on no indication that he saw him. 

When the professor finally wrapped up his lecture, Naruto raced out of his seat to catch up with Sasuke, who had left ahead of him. When he exited the lecture hall, he was pleased to find Sasuke lingering in the hallway. At the sight of this a grin spread across Naruto’s face. He didn’t even bother to suppress it. 

“Were you _waiting_ for me?” he asked as he approached him.

Sasuke cast him a withering look, “Yes. I could practically feel you vibrating from across the room. Did you want to talk to me?” 

Naruto tried to think of the implications of this; that Sasuke had noticed him and had pretended he didn’t, that he had waited for him after class when Naruto could have just as easily texted him. His mind drew a blank. One day he would understand Sasuke—but probably not today.

“We’re rehearsing tonight at 8,” he said as they exited the building, “You can meet us then at the Basement.” 

Sasuke nodded as the two of them strode into the sunlight. Naruto shut his eyes and reclined his head, letting the rays douse his face in their warmth. When he opened his eyes, he noticed Sasuke watching him from the corner of his eye. 

“Wanna get something to eat?” Naruto asked. It was half past five, earlier than when Naruto usually had dinner, but he needed a reason to stay in Sasuke’s company. 

Sasuke hesitated for a brief moment, “Sure.” 

Delight soared in Naruto, warm and ebullient. 

They made their way across the quad, Naruto walking straight towards the dining hall before he noticed Sasuke veering right. “Where are you going? Food’s this way,” he said.

Sasuke wrinkled his nose, “You want to eat _there?”_

Naruto had assumed they would, but Sasuke seemed to think they would be going somewhere off campus. Somehow, this was a lot different than grabbing a bite at the dining hall. This felt much more official, much more like a _thing_ than Naruto had prepared for. The thought thrilled and terrified him at the same time. “What did you have in mind?” Naruto asked. 

Sasuke said, “I know a place.”

***

The place in question was a new ramen joint down the street from the main campus. 

Naruto thought he might cave and kiss Sasuke right then and there. “How’d you know ramen was my favorite food?” he asked, his voice reverent. 

Sasuke was looking at him again, eyes glittering with something Naruto couldn't quite place. “I didn’t. My friend works here. But that’s convenient.” 

Sure enough, they pushed through the front doors and were greeted by a grinning white-haired boy from behind the counter, “Hi, welcome! How—oh, it’s you.” His smile fell after he caught sight of Sasuke. “Come to grace me with your presence again?” 

“Just do your job and give us a table, man.” 

“What are you gonna do if I don’t huh? Tell my boss?”

Naruto watched the friendly spat from a slight distance. He leaned in to read the boy’s name tag. It read SUIGETSU :) 

Suigetsu led them to a table by the window, and placed two menus in front of them. “If you need anything else,” he said, “Please keep it to yourself.” 

Naruto only had to eye the menu for a minute before deciding what to get; it was the same at each ramen place, anyways. After he was done, he turned to study Sasuke instead. 

The waning sunlight shone through the window, illuminating his profile and giving Naruto the impression that he was glowing. He was wearing a black hoodie today, with a white T-shirt peeking out from underneath. Even this small detail seemed effortlessly chic. His black hair hung idly, framing his face. Naruto resisted the urge to reach out and tuck a loose strand behind his ear. He watched as Sasuke rummaged around in his canvas tote bag—because of _course_ he didn’t use a backpack—and took out his phone. 

Naruto wanted to say something before the silence turned awkward, but even with his brain working overtime he couldn’t manage anything engaging. Just then, his phone lit up with a notification from Kiba: _Hey is it cool if we have a thing at our place tonite_

A “thing” in Kiba’s language could range between anything from a small kickback limited to just their group of friends, or to a full blown party with people crammed into every possible crevice of the living room. But it was a risk Naruto was always willing to take; and anyhow, it would probably be fun no matter what. 

An idea struck him like a comet. “Are you busy tonight?” Naruto asked. 

Sasuke looked up from his phone, “Rehearsal, duh.”

“Yeah but, after that.”

“Why?” Sasuke said slowly, as if he suspected Naruto of something sinister. 

“There’s gonna be a thing tonight,” he said, borrowing Kiba’s vernacular. “You wanna come?”

“A thing.” Sasuke repeated, “What kind of thing?”

“Bro, I’m trying to invite you to a party. Just say yes or no.” 

Sasuke seemed to be thinking it over. In the meantime, Suigetsu had arrived to take their orders. Naruto ordered a miso chashu ramen, and Sasuke something with green onions and yuzu. 

“I can’t go,” Sasuke said when Suigetsu had departed from their table, “I have work to do.”

Naruto frowned. “It’s Friday night,” he said, as if this was all the explanation needed. It didn’t matter how much work he had, Naruto had a policy that he would never do work on Friday nights. 

“And?” Sasuke said.

“And,” Naruto said, growing impatient, “And I think you should let loose a little.” He was beginning to suspect that this was a natural and permanent feature of knowing Sasuke: the ever-present need to convince him of something. 

Sasuke sipped at his water, eyes refusing to meet Naruto’s. 

“What are you, straight edge?” he asked him, trying to disguise the genuine curiosity. 

Sasuke scoffed, “No.”

“Then...what is it?”

“I just told you. I have work to do.”

“Please. What kind of work is important enough that you have to do it on a _Friday night?”_

Sasuke set his glass back down, wearing an expression that was equal parts amusement and scorn. “Doing work on Friday nights might seem preposterous to someone like you, but I guarantee it is a very real thing that happens.”

Naruto’s frown deepened, “What do you mean ‘people like me?’ I’m not in a frat, you know,” he added on instinct. 

Sasuke cocked his head, “You’re not?”

“Dammit!” Naruto cursed in frustration, “Why does everyone think that?”

Sasuke laughed. It was a small thing, surprisingly light and delicate, and easy to miss if you weren’t paying attention. But Naruto was, of course.

After a few minutes their food arrived steaming in front of them, saving Naruto from the fear of slipping up mid-conversation. 

Naruto began shoveling the noodles into his mouth, lost in the now familiar and comforting taste of the miso broth. He paused only to glance up at Sasuke, who was using his chopsticks to place bite-sized amounts of noodle into his spoon, then topping it with a bit of green onion and lastly a sip of soup. 

“Wow,” Naruto said, then remembered his mouth was full. He swallowed and continued, “You make eating ramen look complicated.”

Sasuke scowled at him over his bowl, “It tastes better this way.” 

When the bowls were drained Suigetsu returned with a check, on which the two of them placed their cards. Suigetsu frowned when he came back to retrieve it. “You’re not gonna pay for his meal, Sasuke?” he said, with a pointed glance towards him. Sasuke’s face looked utterly exhausted. “Why would I do that?”

“You’re on a date, aren’t you?” 

Naruto watched as Sasuke took a deep breath; a long, slow inhale through his nose, and the drawn out exhale from his lips. “I am absolutely not tipping you,” he said at last. 

Suigetsu was laughing quietly to himself as he turned and left. 

“Well,” Naruto said into the silence, “ _That_ was bold of him. I could’ve paid for that meal myself.”

And although he understood that it was all a joke, something inside him beamed nonetheless. 

***

They parted ways after dinner: Naruto back to his place to pick up his guitar, and Sasuke back to wherever he went when he wasn’t haunting Naruto like a ghost of unrequited yearning. 

By the time he had skated back to his house and greeted Kiba and the rest of them, it was almost time for rehearsal. Naruto stopped to examine himself in the bathroom mirror, debating whether he should change into something more appealing. He decided it was a stupid idea since Sasuke had already seen him like this, and Naruto doubted something as trivial as his outfit would alter his decision to join the band or not. 

In the quiet solitude of his room, Naruto reevaluated the situation. He considered what would happen if Sasuke really was set on remaining solo. Probably Naruto would find another guitarist and things would amble along decently enough; but that was never going to be the most painful part. Sasuke would inevitably drift away, because what reason would he have to stick around? That was a surprisingly gut-wrenching thought, and Naruto shoved it away into the dark recesses of his mind, where he’d deal with it at a later date. 

When he bounded down the stairs, Kiba and his other housemates Hinata and Shino were reclined on the couch, locked in a game of Smash Bros. 

“Naruto! You’re coming tonight, right?” Kiba called out to him. 

“Uh, yeah” Naruto said, tying his shoelaces. “How many people are we expecting?”

Kiba didn’t look away from the screen. “You know, the usual.” 

It was precisely the type of nonanswer he had been expecting, and it meant that tonight there would be a Party with a capital P. At least, Naruto reassured himself, in the scenario that Sasuke rejected him again, he could drown his sorrows in alcohol afterwards. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapters for now bc i need to catch up TT
> 
> ty for reading!


	5. chapter 5

Naruto was the first to arrive at the Basement that night. He sat on the bench outside while he waited. There was a small crowd gathering in the courtyard behind him, and he thought there must be a show tonight. Naruto imagined himself in that position someday, backstage to play his own concert, while people lined up outside the venue lining up to see him perform. The thought sent a physical pang of desire through him.

He was still lost in his daydream when Sakura and Sai approached. 

“Hey,” Sakura greeted, “Is your boyfriend here yet?”

Naruto shifted uncomfortably, “Please don’t call him that when he’s around.”

Sakura only smiled, and readjusted the bag slung over her shoulder. Despite the drop in temperature, she was wearing a plaid miniskirt and a black tank top—likely so she could show off her biceps when she drummed. 

“Are you coming to our place after this?” Naruto asked Sakura, who nodded. She turned to Sai and said, “You should come too! You can meet all of us.” 

Sai accepted the invitation with that airy smile, and Naruto was glad to see it. A band, he decided, needed to be more than a haphazard group of individuals thrown together for the sole purpose of churning out music. There needed to be a foundation, a basis, a bond strong enough to overcome whatever came their way.

Sasuke was on time. He strode up to them at 8 PM, at which the four of them walked into the venue and unlocked the practice room. 

“So,” Naruto cleared his throat. No one ever planned for things to be awkward, but Naruto suddenly wished he had done more to ensure that things would go smoothly. “Sasuke, this is Sakura and Sai. Sakura and Sai, this is Sasuke.” 

Sakura slung an arm around Naruto, extending a hand towards Sasuke, “We’re glad to have you,” she said with an easy grin. Sasuke shook her hand, an odd look on his face as he flicked his eyes between the two of them. 

After pleasantries had been exchanged, and the four of them had settled into their respective spots, they began to play. 

It wasn’t much, just a melody Naruto had come up with ages ago and had Sai and Sakura more or less improvise to, but it sounded cohesive enough. 

Truthfully, Naruto couldn’t shift his focus away from Sasuke enough to immerse himself fully in the playing. His presence in the room shone like a beacon, and no matter how hard Naruto tried to look the other way, Sasuke always drove his gaze back.

“Wait, stop,” Sakura said suddenly, “Can we take it from, uh, the part that goes like—” she made a series of noises with her mouth that Naruto faintly recognized. He laughed, which only made her more frustrated. During the whole exchange he was keenly aware of Sasuke watching them intently. 

Gradually the nervous energy in the air began to fizzle out. Sasuke piped up occasionally with suggestions, “I think you should play in double time,” or “Naruto, make sure you slow down at that part.” Though on the surface Naruto rolled his eyes, he was secretly grateful for the comments. Those moments felt so natural and perfect, that he had to remind himself not to get his hopes up. 

They played. Throughout it all, Naruto, who by now was attuned to Sasuke more than the average person, was well aware of the weight of his stare as it flitted over them. Was he imagining things, or was it lingering over his shoulder, at Sakura behind her drumset? 

He shoved these thoughts aside. Right now his priority wasn’t Sasuke. 

By the time practice wrapped up it was nearly 10 PM. But Naruto couldn’t allow himself to be tired just yet, not when there was a Party at home. 

“Nice job, everyone,” Sai said as he packed up his bass. 

Sakura had risen from behind her drumset, and stood stretching her limbs. “Now it’s time to get wasted. Oh!” she turned to Sasuke, “Did you wanna come? We’re all going to Naruto’s place.” 

Sasuke hesitated again. Naruto was about to interrupt and explain that he was too busy, he had _work_ to do—but Sasuke himself spoke up, “Sure.” 

Naruto watched, flabbergasted, at the betrayal unfolding in front of him. 

He caught up to Sasuke on their way back to the house. “Dude, what the fuck? What happened to having work to do?” 

Sasuke kept his eyes facing forward. “I’m taking your advice. Trying to let loose, remember?” He jostled their shoulders together, and just like that Naruto decided to forgive him. 

  
  
***  
  


They heard the Party before they saw it. 

Naruto had forgotten to lock his bedroom door, which he had learned the hard way was essential when hosting. He raced ahead of the rest of them, and by the time he had finished the task Sasuke had melted somewhere into the crowd. 

Naruto sighed inwardly, poured himself a drink, and began scouring the house. 

His friends pulled him aside whenever they spotted him, roping him into beer pong or Smash Bros or whatever other conversations that he only half listened to. At one point in the night Sakura appeared at his side, peering into his face, “Looking for something?” 

“Sasuke.” Naruto said, “Have you seen him?” 

Sakura sipped her drink, studying Naruto through narrowed eyes. 

“What?”

Sakura only reached out and cupped his cheek with her hand, “Remember. Safe sex—”

Naruto swatted her hand away, and continued on his quest. 

He poured another drink to help ease his nerves. Then another. And another, until he lost track. Before he knew it, he was drunk. 

Naruto floated, content, through the throngs of people crowded in his house. He was riding the wave, trying not to think about each passing moment that brought him closer to being sober. He leaned against the wall, until someone drifted into his line of sight. Familiar dark hair and black hoodie, like from a dream. He brightened immediately. 

“Sasuke! Finally!” he said, because it was so easy to be friendly right now. He glanced over at the other boy, and was shocked to find a crimson flush over his typically fair skin. 

Naruto gasped theatrically, “Are you _drunk?”_ Sasuke, always so pristine and austere, becoming loosened and unguarded. Naruto’s muddled mind couldn’t get these two images to coexist.

“I am not drunk,” Sasuke stated, which meant that he was in denial. Naruto knew that feeling. “You, on the other hand…”

Naruto giggled, and leaned over the red solo cup in Sasuke’s hand, “What’cha drinking?”

“Vodka.”

Naruto made a face. “Straight vodka from a cup? You’re fuckin’ weird. Only, like...” he fumbled for the word, “Russians do that,” he concluded proudly. 

Sasuke only tossed back another sip, somehow keeping his face passive in the process. The flush on his cheeks deepened. 

Sasuke’s mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out over the throbbing bass. 

“What?” Naruto leaned in.

Sasuke repeated himself, but the words were still unintelligible. 

“HUH?” Naruto said again.

Sasuke huffed in frustration, then grabbed Naruto’s wrist, leading him out through the sliding glass door and onto the backyard patio. 

Outside, the air was a cool reprieve from the chaos of the house. Naruto didn’t realize how stifled he had been until he stepped foot into the nighttime air. A few feet away, a small group of people sat passing around a blunt. The smell laced the cool air as it wafted over to him. 

“I was asking,” Sasuke said, and Naruto’s attention was snapped back to him, “if you have a lighter.”

“Oh.” That had been underwhelming. “No,” Naruto said, “But I bet they do,” he gestured towards the group of people gathered nearby. 

He watched as Sasuke lurched towards them and tapped the nearest boy, who Naruto now recognized as Shikamaru, on the shoulder. This gesture, Naruto realized, betrayed Sasuke’s sobriety. Under normal circumstances he would never tap someone on the shoulder, would probably opt instead to stand at a distance and make the demand. The image made him laugh to himself. Naruto took another sip of whatever was in his cup—he couldn’t quite remember what the caramel colored liquid was, but it didn’t seem to matter when he could hardly taste it anymore. 

Sasuke returned to his side. Naruto watched as he fished a pack of cigarettes out of his hoodie pocket, placed one between his lips, and raised the lighter.   
“You smoke?” Naruto asked. The thought of Sasuke being a smoker had never crossed his mind, but he looked undeniably hot while doing it. 

Sasuke blew a puff of smoke out from between his lips, “Only when I’m like this.” 

Naruto wandered over to the lawn, and took a seat in the damp grass. Dew began steadily seeping into his pants, but that seemed unimportant right now. Sasuke, much to his surprise, followed him. 

They stayed like that for a bit: one sprawled on the ground and the other towering above. Naruto tipped his head all the way back and stared up at Sasuke as if he were the stars. 

“Can I ask you something?” Sasuke said out of the blue. 

“Mhmm.”

“Are you and Sakura dating?”

That was when he understood that Sasuke was more than drunk. 

Naruto sat up so fast the Earth threatened to spin off its axis. At that moment a horrible suspicion was confirmed. Sasuke watching the two of them during rehearsal. Sasuke only accepting Sakura’s invitation. Of course. _Of course._

He felt—and this was probably because of the alcohol—the distinct sensation that the world was ending. “God, no. The fuck.” he found himself saying. 

Once upon a time, there had been a brief stint in high school that had hardly qualified as dating; Naruto had asked Sakura to Homecoming and out of some mix of kindness and pity she had accepted. Several awkward dates later, they decided that they were much better off as friends and called it quits. It was nothing but a small blotch in their history now, something they looked back on and laughed at as if they were distant memories from someone else’s life. 

But Sakura was a nice girl, and she was hot, objectively speaking. He understood why Sasuke would like her. And if he had to lose him to someone else, he was glad it would at least be her. 

Still, it hurt. In his current state Naruto couldn’t trust himself to open his mouth without crying, so instead he knocked back the rest of his drink. 

“I was just wondering,” Sasuke said from above him in a neutral voice, “I saw you guys earlier. You seem close.” 

Naruto nodded glumly. He felt Sasuke lower himself to the ground next to him. They sat in silence for a bit, as the effects of the alcohol gripped Naruto tighter and tighter. He swayed and collapsed onto his back. 

“Oh, God,” he said to no one in particular, and the world tilted in response. 

Sasuke laughed, a full-bodied one this time. 

“What’s so funny?”

“You.” 

“Ha. Ha.” He punctuated each syllable with a wild punch of his arm, but he missed Sasuke both times. In his peripheral, he watched Sasuke lie down beside him, his shoulder on the grass now inches away from Naruto’s. 

Dimly, Naruto was aware of how dangerous this was. They were walking a very fine line, where one misstep would send him tumbling over the edge. 

Sasuke had lit another cigarette in the meantime. The smoke curled above them, pale against the nighttime air. Naruto watched it unfurl and dissipate, like smoke from a small wildfire. 

“Smoking is bad for you,” Naruto muttered, but there was no real sentiment behind it. He had reached that point where he would utter the first relevant thing on his mind.

Sasuke only took another drag. “Have you ever tried it?”

“No. Too scared.” 

“Do you want to try?”

“ _S_ _hit_ ,” Naruto said, “This is the peer pressure they warned us about in school. I’ve been preparing for this my whole life.”

“Is that a no?” Sasuke sounded like he was on the edge of laughter. 

“No, no,” Naruto said quickly. “I’m down.” He thought of placing his lips where Sasuke had put his the moment before, and thanked the darkness for hiding the resulting blush. 

He turned his head to the right, expecting Sasuke to hand him the cigarette. 

Instead, Sasuke seized him by the chin, pulled him close, and blew a thick stream of smoke into his unsuspecting face. 

Naruto was so shocked he couldn’t move—until his lungs spasmed and he started to cough. He sat up, hacking into his T-shirt. “ _What the fuck?_ ” he demanded after the attack had ceased. 

He glared at Sasuke, who was still reclined casually in the grass. Lying there, lit only by the moonlight and wearing an unrestrained grin, he looked more handsome than Naruto thought possible. A sudden wave of tenderness overcame him. Naruto felt it again, that physical ache that meant he was depriving himself of something he desperately needed. 

And what if he decided to take it? What would happen if he leaned over and bridged that gap? Everything seemed less daunting right now, consequences less severe. Reality was hazy and unfocused, but Sasuke was as sharp and refined as ever. 

There was no telling where this train of thought would have wandered if Sasuke hadn’t spoken up. “Fine,” he said, “I’ll do it. I’ll join your band.” 

Naruto registered the uncharacteristic slur of his words before he comprehended them. He blinked. “What?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes, “Don’t make me say it again, dumbass.” 

“But...” Naruto’s mind was reeling, “Why?” Then realization dawned on him like a tidal wave. Sakura was the reason—she had to be. Naruto was equal parts overjoyed and disappointed. A shred of his sober sense of mind was enough to keep him from losing it right then and there. He ripped out a fistful of grass, and finding it oddly therapeutic, repeated the motion until his hands were sticky and stained. 

“Because I want to,” Sasuke said from somewhere behind him. Naruto barely registered the words. He was in that zone of drunkenness where reality felt fake, where he was watching his life unfold from someone else’s perspective. 

He curled back down on the cool earth, wondering if he would remember any of this in the morning. He wondered if he even wanted to. 

Beside him, Sasuke shifted. 

“Do you think,” the words were tumbling out of Naruto’s mouth without a second thought, “that soulmates exist?” He had no idea where this question had come from, but as soon as he said it he realized the thought had been lurking at the back of his mind for some time now, waiting for him to put a voice to it. For some reason it made perfect sense to ask Sasuke right now, and Naruto’s inebriated mind could draw up no reasons why he should hold back. 

Sasuke didn’t appear thrown off by the sudden philosophical turn. He was silent, seemingly mulling the question over. 

Naruto tore out another clump of grass. Sasuke remained silent for so long he was afraid he had decided to ignore him. 

“No,” he said at last. “At least I hope they don’t.” 

Naruto turned onto his side. Sasuke was staring into the night sky as if it held all the answers and he was trying to decode it. “Why not?” Naruto said, and his voice sounded faraway. 

“It’s like,” Sasuke paused, fumbling for the words. He sounded strange when he was frustrated. “It’s too much pressure,” he said at last. “We’re supposed to spend our whole lives waiting and searching for the one person who’s perfect for us. What if we don’t find them? And they’re just out here? And we have to settle? And how are we supposed to know if someone is our soulmate or not? What if we’re with someone, and, and, we think they’re our soulmate, but we don't know that someone even better will come along?” He stopped, hiccuped, then fell silent.

Naruto blinked for several seconds. He felt like he had just witnessed something monumental. Not quite like a dam breaking or a wall crumbling, nothing so violent as that. It was more like a snake shedding its skin. Rebirth. Renewal. A brighter, fresher Sasuke had just emerged right in front of his eyes. 

“I think you just know,” Naruto mused quietly. “I think you’ll recognize them.” 

Sasuke hummed in response. Then he tilted his head so his eyes would meet Naruto’s. 

“I hope you’re right.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Where Stuff Actually Happens to make up for last time .. hope u enjoyed


	6. chapter 6

Naruto woke to the worst sunrise of his life.

There was a terrifying, disconcerting moment before he recognized his surroundings as his backyard. Then he registered the headache, and the wave of nausea that followed. 

He sat up, joints aching and head pounding, realizing with annoyance that he’d slept right here on the grass all night. He couldn’t fathom how he had been so drunk that he couldn’t at least drag himself back to his bed upstairs. Someone had at least had the decency to drape a blanket over him in his sleep. 

The sky overhead was a pale grey, and lightening with each passing second. Early morning sunlight crept across the grass, the patio, casting shadow into color. Naruto squinted against the light, and considered dozing off again. 

Then he realized, with a jolt, that the backyard was empty. Sasuke was gone. _Sasuke._

A supercut of memories played across his mind. He combed through them, trying to sort out the essential ones, discarding everything else. There had been a question, a puff of smoke exhaled into his face, an agreement, a handful of grass, a soulmate, and then...nothing. Naruto racked his brain. Surely he wouldn’t have fallen asleep just like that. 

Naruto rose unsteadily and staggered back towards the house. Inside, he surveyed the quiet landscape made up of his friends’ sleeping forms. On the couch he recognized a familiar pale pink head slumped over on the couch next to Ino. He navigated the floor, careful not to step on Lee and Neji’s slumbering bodies. 

In the kitchen he encountered the first signs of life: Shikamaru and Choji nursing mugs of coffee at the dining table. “So he lives,” Shikamaru said when he caught sight of him, “How do you feel?”

Naruto only shook his head, and made a noise that sounded a bit like “water.” He grabbed the nearest unopened bottle and began to chug. When he was finished he joined the other two at the table, “What happened last night? Why’d you all let me sleep outside?” 

The two of them exchanged a look over their coffee. “You really don’t remember, huh?” Choji said. 

Naruto groaned. He hadn’t blacked out from drinking since freshman year. Back then it had felt dangerous and a little bit exhilarating—now he was just embarrassed. 

“Don’t worry,” Shikamaru reassured, “You knocked out pretty early. But only after you begged us to let you sleep outside with Sasuke.”

Naruto felt his blood freeze over. “I _what.”_

Choji laughed, “You were like, ‘ _I_ _m having a slumber party_ , _leave me alone._ And then you cried when we tried to carry you into the house.” 

Naruto listened to Choji’s words as if he were delivering a death sentence. “My God…” he said, covering his face with his hands, “And Sasuke? What did he do?” 

“Sasuke? He somehow slept through the whole thing.” Shikamaru said, shaking his head.

“We thought he was dead,” Choji said gravely. 

The panic in Naruto eased by an inch. “Where is he now?”

Shikamaru shrugged, “Must’ve left before we got up.” 

Naruto heaved a heavy sigh. He wondered what had changed between the two of them, what he could possibly say the next time he saw him. He remembered, with startling clarity, Sasuke’s promise to join the band. That, thankfully, had not been lost in the haze of alcohol. 

“Well,” Naruto said, rising from the table, “I’m going back to sleep. In my bed. Please don’t wake me up.”

They said their goodnights, or their good mornings, and Naruto trudged up the stairs and towards his room. He turned the knob and the door fell open before him. This struck him as wrong somehow, but he didn’t stop to question it as he stepped into his room. It was only when he noticed that his bed was occupied did he remember that he had locked his door the previous night.

Naruto halted in the middle of the room, wondering if he was hallucinating. Was this some strange side effect of alcohol poisoning? Was he lucid dreaming? The answer had to lie somewhere outside reality, because there was no way Sasuke was really asleep on his bed. 

He hadn’t stirred upon Naruto’s entrance, so he crept closer for a better look. There was no denying it; it was Sasuke. Spiky hair rumpled and flattened, black hoodie tossed aside, face peaceful and relaxed in his sleep—but still very much Sasuke. Naruto was speechless.

When the sight before him finally caught up to his groggy mind, he had the sense to reach out and wake him. “Sasuke,” he said, shaking his shoulder. And when that didn’t work, “ _Sasuke!”_ A pillow to the face. 

At this, he blinked his eyes open. “Naruto?”

“Morning. Why the fuck are you in my bed?” There was no venom in his words, as much as he tried. He was simply too exhausted. 

Sasuke sat up, looking no better than Naruto felt, “I...you told me to sleep here.”

Naruto thought he might pass out. What was next? He’d stripped down naked and written I LUV SASUKE across his ass cheeks? “You’re lying,” Naruto said immediately.

Sasuke shook his head, “You handed me your keys and said, first door on the left.” 

“No,” Naruto said, trying to puzzle out the whole ordeal, “Shikamaru said you were asleep. And I fell asleep right after. Why would I—” a memory slammed into him like a physical blow. 

There it was, some exchange made when he was half-conscious that could’ve just as easily been dreamed. 

“This is uncomfortable,” Sasuke had said sometime in the night, waking Naruto. 

“You can take my bed,” Naruto responded, like it was the easiest decision he’d ever made. Then he handed Sasuke his keys and instructed him how to find his room. 

Sasuke had hesitated. “But where will you sleep?”

Naruto had just sighed and rolled over. He figured it would be awkward for the two of them to share. But Sasuke had just agreed to join his band, so he owed him a favor right? _It’s only fair._

“I’ll be fine sleeping here,” Naruto remembered saying. Then he rolled over and fell unconscious again. 

The flashback ended and now he stared, horrified, at the fallout. 

“Shit. Sorry, I guess. And, you’re welcome.” Naruto said. 

Sasuke just shrugged. “Thanks.” 

Naruto tried to ignore the way Sasuke’s voice sounded first thing in the morning, husky and still thick with sleep. He focused on the humiliation to distract himself. 

Sasuke was already rising from the bed, pulling his hoodie over his head and searching for his other belongings. Naruto must have still been a little drunk, because he heard himself say, “You can stay. If you want.” 

Sasuke’s eyes shot up to meet him. “Hah?”

“Since it’s still early, and you’re probably tired.” Naruto corrected hastily, “I can just take the floor.” 

“Too shy to share?” Sasuke said. Naruto opened his mouth but no sound came out. Sasuke saved him the trouble, “I'm kidding. I’ll take the floor. You can have your bed back.” 

Naruto nodded, feeling something like relief wash over him as he watched Sasuke peel himself off the mattress. Of course the thought of sharing the bed had crossed his mind—but unlike Sasuke, he had been either too scared or too polite to voice the suggestion. It was much too convenient of an arrangement, and even Naruto understood subtlety enough to know not to ask.

He cursed his lack of nerves, or Sasuke's overabundance of them, and tossed him a pillow and a quilt, crawling into his own bed. He was wide awake, he realized, now that reality had sunken into him like talons into flesh. 

Outside the sun had risen fully, and slats of sunlight streamed in from between the blinds. Naruto buried his face in his sheets to shield his eyes. They smelled faintly of Sasuke still. 

“How much do you remember from last night?” Sasuke said tentatively into the silence. To Naruto this was both a question and a confirmation, a silent pact that swore they had not yet ventured out of the uncharted territory from the night before. Perhaps on Monday things would have settled into the same rhythm and pattern once again. But for now, in this pocket of reality, things were still different. It was still okay to be honest. 

“Everything up until the soulmate...thing,” Naruto finished lamely. He turned to hide his face in the mattress, even though he knew Sasuke couldn’t see him. No matter how hard he tried this morning, he couldn’t trace the train of thought that had led him to that question, because in the moment it had just felt natural and instantaneous. 

Sasuke, thankfully, didn’t ask about this. He just fell silent, and Naruto could picture him laying placidly on his floor, staring up at the ceiling with the same undivided attention he had given the night sky. 

Another memory bubbled up from Naruto’s subconscious. “I also remember you saying you’d join our band,” he said, unable to keep the satisfaction out of his voice.

Below him, Sasuke groaned. “I was _drunk_ ,” he insisted. 

“Doesn’t matter. You said it. No take backs.” Naruto was steadfast—he had been given this chance and he intended to seize it. 

“C’mon,” Sasuke complained, “Give me more time to consider.” 

“No way, man,” Naruto said. “You know that saying. A drunken heart...a sober mind…” he trailed off, trying to recall how it went.

“ _A drunk mind speaks a sober heart,_ ” Sasuke corrected. “Rousseau said that,” he added just to boast. 

“Well, if Rousseau said it, then it must be true, right?” 

Sasuke was silent. Naruto smirked to himself. 

The silence stretched on. Naruto stared at the ceiling, listening to the sound of Sasuke’s breathing as his own began to even out. He was drifting into that comfortable half-sleep when Sasuke spoke again. “Do _you_ think they exist?” 

Naruto didn’t have to ask what he meant. 

“Yeah,” he said, “I think they do,” and sleep fell on him like a tide.

When he woke again it was noon, and Sasuke was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u thought i was gonna have them share a bed.........tch


	7. chapter 7

The remainder of the weekend drifted by with Naruto in a stupor. 

He didn’t speak to Sasuke at all—which felt utterly wrong after what had conspired between the two of them. He locked himself in his room in a last-ditch effort to get his work done, only to emerge hours later, restless and with little to show for it. 

Sakura was at work, but he decided to pay her a visit anyway. Naruto was desperate to spill everything, to make sure these events existed somewhere outside his own head.

Luckily, Naruto had caught her at a slow hour. She listened to his summary from behind the counter, occasionally excusing herself to prepare a drink for a customer. She perked up when Naruto explained that Sasuke was in the band for good, but her face shifted after hearing his reasoning. 

“You think Sasuke likes _me_?” Sakura said, like it was the most outrageous thing in the world. She let out a laugh, “Are you for real? You can’t be for real. Did you see how he was looking at me?” 

Irritation crept up in Naruto. He didn’t understand how Sakura could be so oblivious. If he were in her place, he would be cherishing that attention. “He asked if we were dating. He joined the band because of you,” Naruto protested.

Sakura only fixed him with a pitying look. “Naruto...” she said, shaking her head slightly. 

Just then, someone emerged from the back room and Sakura jumped in alarm, “That’s my manager,” she hissed, “Pretend I’m taking your order.”

So Naruto left Sakura with a boba milk tea and no more enlightened than he had been that morning. 

Back at home, he paced around his room, debating whether he should message Sasuke. But about what? It seemed impossible that there was nothing pressing to talk about, when every time Naruto was around him he felt as if they were crunched for time, barreling towards some unknown destination. 

He played music to distract himself, urging his thoughts to dissipate into the raucous guitar and drums. As he lay there, appreciating the way the separate instruments melded together into something new entirely, an idea came to him. 

Naruto pulled out his phone and began drafting a message: _First band meeting tomorrow at 7, lets meet at the library_ followed by a healthy amount of emojis. He sent the message to a new groupchat that included Sai, Sakura, and Sasuke. Maybe talking to Sasuke alone was off limits, but this certainly wasn’t. 

He set aside his phone, and tried not to lunge at it everytime it lit up with a notification. 

Finally, Sasuke’s name flashed on his screen: _Sasuke reacted_ _👍_ _to your message_

Naruto swore and tossed his phone aside in frustration. 

***

“Alright, first order of business.” 

The four of them were gathered on the seventh floor of the library, which was always the least occupied because of the spotty WiFi. 

Naruto stood and walked to the whiteboard, which he imagined was typically used for academic purposes, and scribbled _BAND RULES_ at the top. “First rule,” he said, “Band members are not allowed to date each other,” and bent to codify his decree. 

“Um,” Sai said, “Is that really necessary?” 

“It’s just a precaution,” Naruto responded, pointedly avoiding eye contact with Sakura and Sasuke. The latter only scoffed. 

“Next rule,” he said, “That’s all I got. Any suggestions?” 

“I think we have more pressing matters to discuss,” Sasuke said drily. 

Naruto turned to him, “Like what?” 

“A band name, first of all. And what kind of sound we’re going for.” 

Naruto hesitated—he had considered these things, to some degree. But the truth was he had been so single mindedly focused on convincing Sasuke that everything else had begun to feel secondary. 

“You got any ideas?” Naruto said. 

“It’s your band,” Sasuke retorted.

“ _Our_ band.”

“Let’s all just brainstorm,” Sakura said, probably sensing the tension. 

Naruto began combing over all the bands he listened to, trying to find what they all had in common. “The...The…” he searched the room for inspiration, eyes landing on the bookshelf nearest to him, “The Leaves of Grass.” 

Sasuke arched his eyebrows, “You read Walt Whitman?” 

“Yeah,” Naruto said, gesturing towards the shelf, “I did just now.” 

“I kind of like that,” Sai said contemplatively. 

“It’s too obvious of a reference,” Sasuke said, because of course it wasn’t obscure enough for his tastes. 

“Okay, how about…” Sakura opened her laptop, and Naruto leaned over her shoulder to find _band name generator_ typed in the search bar. “Calculators of the Northeast Lesson. Porcupine Hoof. On Restriction,” she read off. “Thoughts?” 

Sasuke wrinkled his nose, “Those are all awful.” 

“Well, what do _you_ suggest, then?” Naruto said, turning on Sasuke, despite the fact that he agreed with him. 

Today his temper seemed to flare with little provocation when it came to Sasuke. Despite preparing himself for the worst, part of Naruto had clung to the hope that whatever progress they’d made that night would be here to stay. But now Sasuke regarded him again with that cool indifference, as if he’d seen Naruto making headway and had decided to tighten his defenses. 

It frustrated Naruto to no end. He had snuck a glimpse of that interior Sasuke—had known his thoughts and his feelings and his musings, had understood that there was _more—_ and then had been promptly shut out. 

And although Naruto understood that he wasn’t entitled to whatever Sasuke was feeling, he had the sneaking suspicion that a part of Sasuke, however small and buried, was just as desperate as Naruto was. He recognized this twin flame ignited in the both of them and was drawn to the heat, no longer afraid of getting burnt. 

“Something simple,” Sasuke said to Naruto, “Like the Hawks.” 

“That sounds like a ripoff of The Eagles.”

“It’s just an _idea_.”

“We don’t have to be ‘The’ anything,” Sakura said, “I mean, the possibilities are endless. We can literally be whatever we want.” 

The sheer number of options suddenly made the task seem a bit impossible. They sat in silence for several moments, no one commenting and everyone waiting for someone else to speak first. 

“Okay,” Naruto said, growing more irritated, “We just need a placeholder for now. We can always change it later. Right?” But they were all just looking at him, as if his validation was the only thing that mattered. 

“ _Ugh,_ ” Naruto ran an impatient hand through his hair. His eyes searched the room, settled on the small number 7 at the back of a chair, likely demarcating that it belonged on the seventh floor. 

“What about...team seven?” Naruto said.

The four of them exchanged glances. There was nothing especially noteworthy about the name, but no one seemed to be able to come up with any objections, even Sasuke. 

“Alright! Heh, that was easy,” Naruto said, “And about our sound or whatever, that’s easy too.”

Sasuke frowned, “How so?”

Naruto shrugged, “You just make the music you like.” It seemed obvious to him; he hadn’t deemed it necessary to subscribe to any one sound or style; it was something that just happened. 

“And what kind of music is that? What if we don’t like the same kind?” Sasuke said. 

Naruto shifted, uncomfortable. “I don’t know. I like lots of music.” 

Sasuke smirked and said mockingly, “What a coincidence. Me too.” 

Naruto found himself blushing—which was stupid, considering Sasuke hadn’t even said anything overtly suggestive. 

He was aware of Sakura and Sai watching the whole exchange, eyes bouncing back and forth as if following a tennis match. Naruto wasn’t sure if whatever this was qualified as flirting. As far as he knew, flirting was supposed to be a lighthearted, casual affair. When he spoke this way to Sasuke, however, he felt more like he was walking a tightrope, or scaling a steep cliffside, or some other equally precarious pastime where one slip-up was potentially life threatening. 

Naruto cleared his throat, “Moving on.” 

  
***  
  


Afterwards, Sasuke crept up on him like a shadow. “Are you busy right now?”

Naruto was. He had a quiz to study for, and readings that he hadn’t even started. But even as these thoughts took shape he knew they didn’t matter; he would follow where Sasuke went with no hesitation. The thought terrified and excited him all at once. 

“What’s up?” he said. 

Sasuke turned and began walking towards the parking lot, “Come on. I have something to show you.” 

Naruto’s heart seized, skipped, then sped up. For a time, he had been foolish enough to believe that the pull he felt from Sasuke began and ended with his desire for him to join the band. But here Sasuke was, now undeniably a member, and still Naruto wanted more. He knew that it wasn’t purely a carnal need—a realization that only made things worse. Simple lust and surface level attraction Naruto could handle well enough, but this new sensation that made him wonder at times if he was going a bit crazy struck him far deeper, far more dangerously. 

Greed, Naruto thought, was a terrible thing. He wished he knew how to be satisfied. 

Sasuke led him off the main campus and across the parking lot. The sun had long set, and in the quiet darkness among the cars it was easy to imagine them as the only two people on the planet. 

Sasuke stopped in front of a simple sedan, black of course, and popped the trunk to dump his bag in, gesturing for Naruto to do the same. 

“Where are we going?” Naruto asked as he slid into the passenger seat. His heart pumped excitement and anxiety to every cell in his body. He had to admit he’d dreamt up such a scenario before: Sasuke extending a hand in invitation, whisking him away to somewhere private. The fantasy ended differently each time he imagined it, and now Naruto thrummed with anticipation as he waited for this version in reality. 

Sasuke slid the key into the ignition, the stereo coming to life before him. A tinkling guitar melody accompanied by a man’s crooning voice drifted out, before Sasuke reached for the dial to crank it down. Naruto wanted to tell him that it was fine, that he didn’t mind, that he could act the same way he did when he was alone around Naruto, but the moment passed. 

“My work,” Sasuke answered simply. He placed a hand on Naruto’s headrest as he glanced over his shoulder and backed the car out of the spot. 

Naruto frowned. He hadn’t expected that answer. For some reason, the first response he thought of was, “You work?” 

Sasuke cast him an amused look, “I’m a victim of wage-labor, yes.” 

It seemed incongruous for some reason, the image of Sasuke toiling away at some minimum wage job. “Not me,” Naruto said, leaning back in his seat, “Unemployed and proud.” 

A small smile was creeping across Sasuke’s lips, though his eyes remained trained to the road. And Naruto felt it just then; a boundary broached, a barrier shattered. He was in that place with Sasuke again, the quiet universe that belonged to them and only them. Naruto sat back and let himself be driven further into the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to come up with a band name besides the most obvious choice but i truly could not think of anything 
> 
> ty for reading


	8. chapter 8

They drove until they reached downtown. The bars and clubs and restaurants that attracted hordes of students on the weekends sat quiet and still on a Monday night. 

Sasuke rolled up to a Starbucks, and killed the engine. “We’re here.”

Naruto knit his eyebrows, “You work here?” It was sort of a funny thought, moody and distant Sasuke whipping up frappuchinos for impatient college students. 

“No,” Sasuke said, eye roll evident in his tone of voice, “Here,” and pointed to a small storefront to the left of the Starbucks that Naruto had completely glazed over. A jagged font on the brick facade read  _ Hideout Records.  _

Naruto didn’t own records, never seeing the need beyond pure aesthetics, but he had always understood the appeal. The idea of Sasuke working somewhere like a record store fit so perfectly into Naruto’s image of him that he couldn’t help but grin in satisfaction. 

Sure enough, as Sasuke unlocked the front door, led him into the shop, and flicked on the lights, he seemed to melt perfectly into the surroundings like a subject in a painting. He moved through the space with the ease and practiced precision of someone who was not only familiar with his surroundings, but cared greatly about them. 

The interior of the shop was grungy in a tasteful way, its black walls plastered with posters of all kinds, ranging from boy bands to old magazine covers. Shelves and display racks held rows upon rows of records, stretching all the way to the back of the shop, where Naruto could make out a record player and a set of couches. 

“So, what did you want to show me?” Naruto said, when he had finished taking in his surroundings. 

Sasuke looked up from behind the register, where he was typing something into the computer. “This is it.” 

“Huh?”  _ That’s it?  _ Naruto didn’t say it out loud, but it must have been evident in his face. 

Sasuke walked around the register and towards Naruto, “You pick out all your favorites. And I’ll pick out mine.” 

“What’s this about?” Naruto asked, although he was already skimming the racks. 

“You said you like lots of music, didn’t you?”

So maybe whatever that was had been flirting, afterall. Sometime during the car ride here Naruto’s nerves had settled, and all that mattered now was that he was here with Sasuke, and the night was as young as it was heavy with possibility. He wasn’t even sure what it was that he was hoping for—perhaps it was nothing at all, besides the simple joy of being in Sasuke’s company and having his full attention. 

Still, the reasonable part of him, albeit a small part, couldn’t help but question Sasuke’s motives. It was possible that this was all for the sake of the band, to become familiarized with each other’s tastes so they could go on and craft their own. But if that were the case, why not invite the whole band? 

Whatever marked Sakura and Sai and the rest of them as outsiders no longer applied to Naruto now. Something  _ had  _ shifted after that night, and now Naruto had crossed over to the other side.

Sasuke was as closed off as ever, but it must have been his own discreet way of sending a message. Naruto alone had been deemed trustworthy, or at least worth his time. The thought made him swell with a sense of pride, but underneath that still ran a current of uncertainty. 

Despite it all, he still had no idea what he was to Sasuke. A friend, maybe, with potential for something more. Perhaps Sasuke had performed this courting ritual for everyone he was interested in befriending, and Naruto was just the latest in a long line. He didn’t like the thought of that, so he quickly shuffled it away. 

He stopped to study Sasuke, as if willing his true intentions to surface. It was true that things were different now, but they were still so far away from where Naruto wanted them to be.

And he’d seen the way Sasuke had been drawn to Sakura—hadn’t he? Alone under the fluorescent lights of Hideout Records, anything suddenly felt possible. Naruto’s thoughts swirled and overlapped and ran into each other, circling and circling while going absolutely nowhere. 

He turned to Sasuke, who was across the room browsing in the Alternative section. “So, what’d you think of the band?” Naruto asked, keeping his voice neutral. 

Sasuke’s eyes flitted up to meet his, then back down to the rack. “They seem fine.” His voice was even, devoid of anything Naruto could misinterpret. He wondered for the millionth time if the cool detachedness was truly how Sasuke felt about everything, or if it was just a front to hide what lurked beneath.

But every mask would betray its wearer, and every facade was foiled if you just bothered to peek around the corner. 

Naruto tried again. “You thought they were cool? Sakura and Sai?” 

Sasuke paused now, eyeing Naruto carefully as if he could tell he was trying to draw something out of him. “Yeah. They seem fine. Why?” 

Naruto shrugged, busied himself with shuffling through the display in front of him. “No reason, just, we’re a band, you know? We have to all get along and stuff.” 

Sasuke snorted, “So that’s why you made that dating rule.” 

Naruto stiffened. He wanted to admit that hadn’t actually been why at all, and the real reason was far more selfish than he was letting on. But he didn’t say anything, and let the silence swallow his answer.

Several more minutes passed in that quiet, until Naruto had racked up a decent amount of records. 

“Alright, now what?” he said, gripping the small pile. 

Sasuke looked up from where he had been reorganizing. “Now we listen.” 

  
***

Record players were a mystery to Naruto. He couldn’t fathom how sound emanated from that single pinpoint of contact, how the same shape could yield so many different noises. But he wasn’t interested in the mechanics, not really—not as he watched Sasuke’s deft fingers slide the record from the sleeve, place it on the turntable, and lower the needle to its surface. 

Music crackled and drifted out. It was Naruto’s pick, since he had volunteered to go first. The Strokes played into the near perfect silence of the shop. Naruto began humming along subconsciously, trying to sing both the lyrics and the guitar instrumental, when he caught Sasuke looking at him from the corner of his eye. 

“You know this album?” Naruto asked. 

Sasuke made a face, “Duh.”

Now it was Naruto’s turn to roll his eyes. “Okay, fine, what does your superior taste recommend?” 

Sasuke held his eyes for the duration of the song’s chorus, until Naruto began to chafe under his gaze. Then he lifted the needle off the record and slid the vinyl back into its case, reaching for the next in the pile. Naruto made a sound of protest, “We barely even listened to it.”

“We already know how it goes,” Sasuke said simply. 

Naruto huffed. Truthfully, it wasn't even been his favorite album from The Strokes, but had he known that Sasuke wanted to listen to the records right then and there, he would have been more careful in making his selections.

“You did this just so you could show off your music taste, didn’t you?” Naruto had meant it as a joke, but Sasuke frowned, “No. That’s stupid.”

“Then...why?” But Naruto suspected he knew the answer already. There was something undeniably intimate about the whole affair, something deeply personal that would have been lost if they had just decided to swap playlists over text message. And it wasn’t just music—at least not for Naruto, though he suspected Sasuke felt the same. They dealt in music, spoke its language, associated it with all the things that made life worth living. To trade each other in songs was like swapping secrets. No, this was more than Sasuke trying to show off. 

Sasuke’s back was still turned when he spoke. “Why does anyone share anything?” 

A silent answer balanced on the tip of Naruto’s tongue. 

_ To be known. To be understood.  _ And by extension, to be loved.

Naruto would gladly accept that role. 

The next record he didn’t recognize, but it had a similar ethereal quality to the first song he had ever heard Sasuke play. The lyrics and the instrumentals seemed blurred and distorted, while only a clear guitar rang through and tied the tune together. Naruto could hear where and how Sasuke had drawn his inspiration. He wondered, idly, where this band had drawn  _ their  _ inspiration from, and tried to follow that thread back in time. That was how art worked, he supposed, one group reviving and combining elements of those who preceded them, until they created something new and uniquely theirs. He wondered if he would ever be capable of such a thing.

“This is cool,” Naruto said, “It’s like, loud but quiet at the same time.” 

Sasuke nodded in agreement, “Like white noise.”

“Who is it?”

Sasuke held up a bright pink record, “My Bloody Valentine.”

A laugh bubbled out of Naruto, “That sounds like something you’d listen to.”

Sasuke cut him a hard glance, “What does that mean?”

“Aw, c’mon. Don’t make me spell it out.”

“No, let’s hear it,  _ team 7.”  _

They carried on like this for several more songs, not quite in an argument but something just as calculated and risky, until it was Naruto’s turn again. He watched from the couch as Sasuke slid the next vinyl into place. 

Naruto gasped and leapt to his feet as the guitar struck its opening chord.

It was nothing short of magical, the way a song could take control of him like this. Of all the albums he’d chosen, this was the one he’d been surest of. 

A year ago Naruto had seen the song performed live at the Basement, and listening to it now he could still feel traces of that euphoria. He had always liked performing, but there was a certain brand of pleasure that came with being part of the audience. Not just any ordinary audience, but one that undulated, pitched to and fro, pushed and punched and thrashed, but above all,  _ connected. _ It was as if the music became an invisible string that tied them all together until they were a living, breathing, entity—something more than the sum of the individuals that made it up. 

Sasuke was still standing by the player, watching skeptically as Naruto began to bob his head up and down. 

“What?” 

Sasuke merely said, “You look like a dumbass.” But behind that: a shadow of a smile, like sun rays breaking through clouds on an overcast day. 

“It’s called having  _ fun,”  _ Naruto insisted, but Sasuke was already turning to sit on the couch. 

Naruto pouted, and reached out. 

Later, he would blame it on the music. 

In the moment, however, his own body wasn’t enough to contain all the energy and elation bouncing around inside him. He thought of the connection, of how happiness felt different when it was shared.

So he grabbed hold of Sasuke’s hand, and pulled him as close as he dared. “Dance with me,” Naruto said, “Please?” 

He knew by now that Sasuke liked when you asked things nicely, so it came as less of a surprise when his face softened from annoyed shock into something else, something almost timid. 

Naruto grinned, and grabbed hold of both Sasuke’s hands as the chorus hit. 

They danced—if you could even call it that. 

There was something ecstatic and hyper about the song that felt perfect to Naruto. It reminded him of crowd surfing, smashing bottles, going above the speed limit down an empty highway. It made him let  _ go _ : of his inhibitions, his worries, his insecurities, all of them dissolving into static as he let the hectic guitar and clamoring drums and wailing vocals fill the empty space they left behind. 

Naruto watched the precise moment this sensation overtook Sasuke. He saw his limbs loosen, his face drop its tough exterior, and felt his fingers tighten around his. He watched as he surrendered, and let the music carry him in its current.

They were a flurry of bodies and breath, intertwining and criss-crossing as the song played on. Lips brushed against skin, a hand pressed to a chest. Each touch flitted away as fast as it came, but Naruto felt them like a physical jolt. 

Two separate things coiled into one. Electricity coursing through a circuit, passing from Sasuke to him.  _ Connection.  _

To an outsider looking in they probably looked like madmen in the midst of some bizarre ritual. Naruto knew he looked stupid,  _ felt  _ stupider, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. These two facts existed in equilibrium; he was making a fool of himself, and he was overjoyed. 

When the song ended Naruto came back down to his body. It was startlingly similar to the sensation he felt after a show; reality returning to him blurry and distant, his hearing still compromised from the deafening music, and his nerves still riding the high. 

In the quiet of the comedown, Naruto met Sasuke’s gaze. 

He took it all in: Sasuke’s parted lips, still breathless from dancing. That wild, almost hungry way his eyes glinted under the fluorescent lights. His expression, in all its unfettered glory, watching Naruto with something akin to awe. 

Naruto thought,  _ I want to kiss him.  _

He raised his left hand, still free, and placed it against Sasuke’s neck. He half expected him to jump back, or to swat it away, but Sasuke held firm under the touch, his eyes a silent plea. 

The words amended themselves in Naruto’s mind, took on a concrete resolve. 

He thought,  _ I am going to kiss him.  _

His eyes fluttered shut. 

At the same time, the front door of the shop swung open. 

Naruto careened backwards, jumping so hard he narrowly missed the pile of records still perched on the table behind him. A childhood brand of shame and embarrassment washed over him, like that time Iruka had walked in on Naruto kissing his middle school girlfriend. He took a few steadying breaths to anchor himself, trying to remember that no parental guardian was here to humiliate or punish him.

“Hey, Karin,” Sasuke said, and Naruto had to hand it to him. His face had slid back into calm indifference, his voice balanced and unwavering as he regarded the red-haired girl standing in the doorway. 

“Sasuke?” she said, “I was wondering why the lights were on.”

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke said, and Naruto heard it just then, the slight edge in his tone that hinted at barely concealed annoyance.

“I left my earbuds in the break room,” she said, “What are  _ you  _ doing here?” 

“Just leaving.” Naruto wanted to protest, but even he recognized that something irreplaceable had just been shattered, the sanctity of that moment lost forever to time. Naruto bit back a curse as he turned to help Sasuke return the records to their respective shelves. 

He wasn’t sure if he believed in fate, but he felt positive that some higher power was laughing at his misfortune. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this chapter was difficult to write
> 
> btw the song I envisioned them listening to was no waves by fidlar :P that song always makes me go bonkers


	9. chapter 9

Naruto was dreading the car ride. 

He didn’t know how he could possibly sit in that contained space next to Sasuke, with the knowledge of what he had almost done hanging over him like the blade of a guillotine. 

If he shut his eyes he could still feel the sensations: Sasuke’s skin warm and delicate under his fingers, a small exhale ghosting across his cheeks. 

The tension was so thick it threatened to choke him. 

Sasuke didn’t seem to notice. He drove with both hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes fixed on the road, with the radio tuned in to the Top 40.

Naruto wanted to wrench the wheel from his grip, seize him by the shoulders, and demand to know what he was thinking. He wanted to pound his fist against the window. He wanted to reach over the glovebox and pick up where they had left off.

He didn’t do any of these things. Instead he just sat there, with his hands clasped in his lap, hoping,  _ willing _ Sasuke to say something.

He did, finally, when they pulled onto the highway. “It’s late,” Sasuke commented, and Naruto’s eyes turned to the time on the dashboard. It was late—almost 10:30, and now that Naruto had had his fun, the pile of unfinished work on his desk seemed much more real of a threat.

“Fuck, I have so much work to do,” Naruto said offhandedly. 

Sasuke shifted slightly in his seat, nodding. 

Naruto wondered a beat too late if he had missed some sort of cue. 

By the time he decided to take back his words, Sasuke was already asking, “How do I get back to your place again?” 

“Um,” Naruto’s mind was working frantically now. He didn’t know what Sasuke wanted him to say, didn’t even know if that had been his intention in the first place. 

Sasuke, meanwhile, was still watching expectantly from the driver’s side. “Take the next exit,” Naruto said in the end. 

When they pulled up in front of his house, Naruto hesitated. Should he invite Sasuke in? Suggest going back to his place instead? The words sat in his throat, unmoving. So easy, yet so impossible. 

In the end, it was Sasuke who spoke. “About earlier…”

Naruto’s breath hitched in his chest. “It’s fine,” he said quickly, even as he told himself to shut up, “I’m...I’m sorry. About that.” 

Sasuke just stared at him. In the darkness it was nearly impossible to make out what lie behind his eyes. 

“You can do it, if you want.” 

He said it softly, over the idling engine, but Naruto heard him all the same. His eyes traveled up to meet Sasuke’s. “Do what?” 

But he knew without even asking. He just had to make sure, had to test the surface beneath his feet to see if it would give way under his weight. 

The glow of the streetlights lit the interior of the car just enough for Naruto to see Sasuke’s throat bob as he swallowed, “The same thing. From earlier.”

Naruto still didn’t make a move. He was afraid that the moment might shatter again if he did.

“Just this once,” Sasuke was whispering now, leaning in close so his voice wouldn’t be lost in the distance between them. “Just once, it’s okay.” 

So Naruto did. He reached out and cradled Sasuke’s neck, fingers tingling with the warmth of recognition. He watched his thumb trace Sasuke’s jaw. Then he leaned in. 

Some moments, Naruto thought, lasted longer than eternity. Others shifted and slipped through your fingers like grains of sand. But in the end, moments were just that, and they all inevitably passed.

How he wished that weren’t true.

He wanted to hang suspended in that moment forever, delve into its depths and never surface again. 

Naruto savored every sensation. Sasuke’s pulse beneath his fingers, the stray hairs tickling his cheek, all the warmth and tension and crackling energy that came from hovering so close to another without touching. He could see everything from this close. He never wanted to look away. 

His eyes fluttered shut. 

And then, as he felt the phantom graze of Sasuke’s lips against his—he pulled away. 

It felt like defying gravity. It felt like those dreams of falling that jolted you awake before you could hit the ground. It felt  _ wrong.  _

Naruto found the car door handle. “Thanks for tonight,” he said as he clambered out the passenger side, then towards the trunk to retrieve his things. Then he jogged up the walk to his house, and made it through the front door before he couldn’t hold it together anymore. 

***

Naruto didn’t check to see if the house was empty first. Instead he just collapsed against the front door, his heart jackhammering in his chest and his breath labored like he had just run a mile. He sunk to the ground, cinematic style, and ran his hands through his hair. 

_ What the fuck. What the fuck.  _ His thoughts weren’t coherent beyond those three words, repeated like a mantra in his addled mind. 

That was how Hinata found him, padding out of the kitchen with a concerned look on her face. “Naruto? Are you alright?” 

He looked up at her, and he wasn’t sure what she saw there, but it must have been bad enough to warrant her reaction. “Let’s go sit down,” she said, “Do you want tea?” 

Naruto did. He followed her into the kitchen, where he slumped down at the table while Hinata busied herself with the kettle. 

Hinata was so nice, he thought, as she slid the steaming mug in front of him. They had never been close friends, but her presence in the house was calming, a much needed one. Naruto sipped the tea, and tried to settle his frayed nerves. 

Hinata rapped her fingers on the table, eyeing him cautiously. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Naruto exhaled, “Yes.” 

So he told her. It was relieving, immensely so. Sasuke wasn’t a burden, but the feelings he caused in Naruto were something close. As he talked the picture became clearer in his mind, as if by putting a voice to the abstraction he had made it make sense. Hinata listened to it all, never interrupting and nodding occasionally. By the time Naruto was finished, the tea had gone cold. 

“So...what do you think?”

Hinata considered him silently for several seconds before responding. “Why did you pull away from him?” she asked at last. 

Naruto prickled at the bluntness, because the truth was, he didn’t know. All he knew was that it had felt both wrong and right, like a sacrifice made for the greater good. 

_ Just this once.  _

Those words circled back to him now. A promise, but also a limit. A first, and a last. 

“I didn’t want to know,” Naruto finally said, “I didn’t want to know what it was like to kiss him, and never be able to do it again.”

Hinata hummed, “But you know that saying. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” 

Naruto didn’t like the sound of that. It was too late not to love, but it wasn’t too late for loss. 

Hinata rose from the table, “It's going to be okay. I'm positive." 

Then she padded quietly out of the kitchen, and Naruto was alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been on a taylor swift nostalgia kick recently so this chapter was very heavily inspired by the song treacherous hehe
> 
> ty for reading!


	10. chapter 10

The rest of the week happened, but it felt like all the world’s events had coalesced into that single moment on Monday night, and now everything that came after was rendered irrelevant in comparison.

Something was different now. Or perhaps they were entirely the same. 

Naruto didn’t get any time alone with Sasuke, but not for lack of trying. He was always late to class, and whether he was doing it on purpose or it was merely coincidence Naruto couldn’t say. There was no other sturdy evidence that suggested Sasuke was actively avoiding him, other than a gut feeling Naruto couldn’t quite shake. He saw him only in class, drifting past him like a ship in the night, before journeying further into the inky blackness of the sea. 

“What do I do?” Naruto whined to Sakura, Ino, and Shikamaru. They had already been briefed on the whole matter, and now the four of them sat in the general store around styrofoam cups of coffee. Lee plunked away at the piano behind them. 

“I don’t think there’s anything _to_ do,” Shikamaru said, cynical as ever. “He said you only got one chance, right? And it seems like you already took it.”

The truth struck him hard right then, as if by voicing this fact his fate had been sealed.

“I just don’t understand why he would say that,” Ino said, tearing apart styrofoam in her hands, “Like why play these games? It’s obvious he likes you.” 

Those words sent a thrill up his spine. Naruto wondered why he hadn’t come to his friends for advice sooner. 

“But he probably doesn’t _want_ to like you,” Sakura said, “Kinda like how he didn’t want to join the band at first. He seems like he’s repressing a lot of shit.” She took another sip of her coffee. 

“Why wouldn’t he want to like me?” Naruto cried, feeling hopeless again. It didn’t matter that Sasuke liked him if he refused to act on it. He was, infuriatingly, at an impasse. Nothing frustrated Naruto more than a situation where his efforts didn’t matter, regardless of how hard he kicked and screamed. 

Ino fixed him with a sad look, “Poor you. I wish you guys could just start dating already,” then she buried her face in Sakura’s shoulder. 

Naruto rolled his eyes. The two of them were dating now, a development that surprised no one besides Naruto. 

“It’s cuffing season,” Sakura had said simply. Maybe there really was something in the air, but whatever it was, Sasuke was immune to it. He wished he was a big enough person to be nothing but happy for his friends, but jealousy still pricked at him whenever the two of them insisted on displays of affection. 

“By the way,” Shikamaru said to Naruto, “Konoha Crush is coming up. I can probably get you guys a spot, if you want.”  
Naruto sat up at this, suddenly feeling more alive than he had all week. Konoha Crush was the biggest event of the year for local bands, the best opportunity to garner exposure and clout. Every year Naruto had been in attendance, but never before had he been able to book a slot. Determination gripped him—finally something that demanded his efforts, something to divert his attention away from the ever-present Sasuke problem.

“Holy shit, yes,” Naruto said to Shikamaru, “I literally love you.”

But Shikamaru wasn’t looking at him anymore. His eyes had traveled somewhere just past Naruto’s shoulder, at the general store behind him.

“I’d be careful saying that right now,” he said, smirking. Naruto whipped his head around to find Sasuke, perusing the shelves casually. 

Naruto gasped and ducked his head behind the couch, “ _What the fuck is he doing here?_ ” he hissed.

“Well, we’re in a store—” 

“Is that _Sasuke?”_ Sakura sat up, jostling Ino’s head off her shoulder. “Hey, Sasuke!” 

Naruto shot her a murderous look. “Stop that,” he whispered furiously, “Now it’s gonna be awkward!” 

Sakura just looked at him, slightly alarmed. “He’s still our friend, isn’t he? Relax, you probably won’t even have to talk to him.”

Naruto groaned and slumped down into his seat. He contemplated making a run for it, but Sasuke was already making his way towards them. 

He felt Sasuke’s presence wash over him, as he came up behind the couch and hovered over Naruto like he had that night in the grass. Naruto gulped. It shouldn’t be possible for one person to hold this much sway over the room, he thought. The atmosphere itself had shifted, shot through with electricity and strung taut with tension.

Or maybe that was just in his head.

“Hey,” Sakura said, “Haven’t seen you around in a while. What’s up?”

“I’ve been busy with work,” Sasuke said. His voice was pleasant enough, but underscored with wariness. Naruto felt the precise moment his eyes flicked to the back of his head, as if he were expecting some sort of reaction.

“Actually,” Sasuke said, “I was hoping to talk to you, Naruto.”

Naruto froze. For a second he was confident that if he sat still for long enough, Sasuke would move on as if nothing happened. Then Sakura kicked him in the shin. 

Naruto rose slowly, grabbing the bag and skateboard at his feet. “Okay.” 

He turned to face Sasuke, expression as aloof as ever, and followed him out of the store. He felt his friends’ eyes follow them the whole way. 

***

As soon as they were out of sight and earshot, Naruto realized that he was annoyed. 

He wasn’t quite sure how to navigate this new emotion with Sasuke. It felt unfamiliar, inappropriate, like the wrong chord struck in the middle of a progression. Naruto was used to regarding Sasuke with something close to worship, but annoyance was startlingly human in comparison.

“What is it?” Naruto asked, “You avoided me the whole week and now you wanna talk?” The more he let the irritation ruminate, the more it began to slide into anger. Ino was right; intentionally or not, Sasuke was playing games with him, and leaving Naruto at his mercy. 

To his surprise, Sasuke flinched at his words. Naruto was so taken aback he nearly apologized. 

“I wanted to say sorry,” he said, “For the other night.” 

Naruto’s anger fizzled out like flames doused by water, the remainders hissing away into steam, then into nothing. 

“It’s fine,” Naruto said, and it was. It was over, and that was the most important thing. He felt a pang in his chest. 

Naruto caught Sasuke’s eyes and held him there. 

“What is it?” Sasuke said.

“Do you have class soon?” Naruto responded. He wasn’t even sure why he was asking, he only knew that he wasn’t satisfied. This wasn’t closure, just suppression. It wasn’t enough to tuck the matter away on a high shelf and pretend it didn’t exist. 

“In half an hour, why?” he said slowly, and Naruto felt himself deflate. 

“Was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out,” he said awkwardly, tugging the strands of hair at the nape of his neck. He had nothing particular in mind, except that he wanted to draw out this time alone with Sasuke for as long as possible. 

Sasuke was silent for a beat too long, enough time for Naruto to backtrack, “Well, I guess I’ll—”

“Attendance isn’t mandatory,” he said, “So I’m good.”

Naruto grinned, hope sparking in him like a match. “Perfect.”

Sasuke was already turning, “What did you have in mind?”

“Hm.” They could get dinner, but that felt like retracing the same path they’d already gone down. Naruto wanted to collect new experiences, new memories with Sasuke like one collected seashells.

He grinned, “Do you know how to ride a skateboard?” 

***

Naruto liked skateboarding. Not just as a mode of transportation, but as an activity within itself. He liked the way he felt when he cruised down the street, the monotony and roteness that gave his mind space to wander, allowed thoughts to wash over him and be carried away just as quickly by the wind. 

But not this time. With Sasuke beside him everything felt heightened, like the resolution on real life had been cranked up. 

_What happens now?_

The thought ate at him all the way off campus and back to his house. 

Would they slip back into that old pattern of tenuous friendship laced with something stronger, the possibility of something _more?_ Surely it couldn’t be that easy. 

And for once, Naruto didn’t want it easy. He wanted the struggle, the strain, the push and the pull and the consequent snap. He wanted whatever mess would bring him to Sasuke. 

He didn’t want this liminal nothingness, this state of being that was neither painful nor fulfilling, just empty and unsure. He thought about that place where him and Sasuke were the sole inhabitants, where regular rules didn’t apply. He wondered if they would ever step foot there again. 

Naruto was so lost in thought, he almost walked right past the entrance to his house. 

He unlocked the front door and led Sasuke inside, all the time aware that his housemates were still out for the day. Naruto tried not to think about the implications of the two of them having the house for themselves, and hurriedly made his way to his room to pick out a board. 

“So, how good are you at skating?” Naruto asked, rummaging through his closet. 

Sasuke was hovering at the doorway, looking unsure over whether or not he should step inside. “I can ride, but that’s about it. And I haven’t done it in years.”

Naruto nodded with his back still turned. Frankly, he had no idea why Sasuke would agree to this. It seemed rather out of character for him, although Sasuke himself gave no indication of discomfort. He was an enigma, as usual, but one that Naruto could never quite seem to grow tired of. He would solve him over and over again if he had to. 

“You can use this one,” Naruto said, procuring his old favorite skateboard. It was scuffed a decent amount along the deck, but the wheels were still in good enough shape. He rolled it over to Sasuke, who caught it with his foot. It was such a simple gesture, but Naruto marveled at it nonetheless. 

“So what now?” Sasuke asked, “I get to watch you do tricks?” 

It wasn’t a bad idea—Naruto normally wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to impress Sasuke—but he had an even better one in mind. 

***

“Are you insane?”

They stood at the top of Fourteenth, a nondescript stretch of residential a bit northwest of campus. The only noteworthy thing about the street was the way it sloped down into a steep hill before them, flattening into a small park at the base of the hill. Even from up close, it looked as if the street simply ended, and dropped off into empty air below. 

“What? People do this all the time,” Naruto said, eyeing the road laid out before him. 

“Have _you_ ever done it?” Sasuke asked.

“No. But not because I was afraid,” he corrected quickly, “It’s just not smart to do it alone.”

Sasuke’s eyes were unreadable, except for what looked like a trace of relief. “Lucky me. What do I have to do?” 

Naruto pointed to the base of the hill, at the small patch of grass that led to the park, “Stand there, and make sure my board doesn’t go flying into the street.” Naruto had lost more than one skateboard that way, after a badly executed trick or just a lack of caution. 

Sasuke headed down the hill accordingly. Naruto watched his retreating figure and wondered again if this was a bad idea. All afternoon Sasuke had been at the forefront of his mind, everything else falling into secondary status. 

The whole ride here Naruto had been too transfixed on the other’s abilities to properly contemplate his decision. After Sasuke’s words, Naruto had expected him to be at least a little shaky when riding, but he kept up with Naruto easily and cruised with such proficiency that he was convinced Sasuke had lied to him before. 

It made sense, in some way. Naruto suspected that on a molecular level Sasuke was just made of different stuff. That kind of clumsiness and uncertainty didn’t suit him, seemed fundamentally opposed to who he had made himself out to be. It inspired Naruto’s admiration, but also a sort of disappointment. If Sasuke was already so assured and complete on his own, what need did he have for someone like Naruto? 

By then, Sasuke had arrived at the base of the hill. He flashed Naruto a thumbs-up, which he returned with a smile. 

Then he took a deep breath, and before he could think about the matter anymore, stepped onto his board and let gravity do the rest. 

_It would have been smart_ , Naruto thought, _to plan this out beforehand_. 

And then he didn’t think about much at all, because there was no time. 

Normally, when traveling downhill, the speed started out manageable enough before it began to build; Naruto knew this much after years of experience. 

But this time, there was no transition, nothing that eased him into it. It was just stillness, then an impossible speed as he barreled down the length of Fourteenth street. 

He might have yelled, but the wind tore the sound away. The landscape blurred and distorted around him, tumbling by faster and somehow faster until—

The board shot out from under him, then Naruto collided into something warm and solid, and then he was on the ground. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Sasuke said, or maybe it was him. 

“You dumbass...” That was definitely Sasuke, voice muffled and annoyed from somewhere beneath him, “Get _off_.” 

Naruto rose slowly, assessing his body for injuries. His limbs were sore from where he’d landed on them, but the brunt of the damage seemed to have fallen to Sasuke.

Too late, Naruto recalled how it had rained earlier in the week, and the grass still hadn’t recovered. Patches of mud dotted its surface, one of which had ended up smeared across Sasuke’s once pristine denim jacket and black pants. Naruto looked down at himself and cringed; his shoes were caked, his jeans filthy.

 _“_ Ah, shit.” 

Sasuke shot him a withering look. Naruto wasn’t sure why, but he let out a laugh. “Shit. Literally.”

Sasuke was shaking his head now, “You’re such a dumbass. Watch where you’re going next time.” But Naruto thought he saw the ghost of a smile before he turned his head the other way. 

“Sorry. But I’m glad you were there. It really helped break the fall.”

Sasuke only huffed indignantly, “I feel disgusting.” 

He was still grumpy as Naruto picked up his board, lying a few feet away on the grass. Although he would never admit it out loud, Naruto was mildly entertained by the whole thing. Sasuke in this state reminded him a bit of a moody housecat; you knew well enough to keep your distance, but had to resist the urge to reach out anyway. 

“Now what?” he said. 

Sasuke made a face as he bent to retrieve the skateboard, “We should clean up. My place isn’t far from here.” 

Naruto hesitated, then nodded. “Oh. Sure.” 

He didn’t think about whether or not it was a good idea, he didn’t even think about why Sasuke would offer the invitation. He just followed him home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sort of almost getting to the end ... thank goodness


	11. chapter 11

Naruto wasn’t sure what he was expecting. Sasuke could have lived in a cave carved out of a cliffside and he would have still accepted it with little question, because if it was Sasuke’s, then that meant there must be something redeeming about it.

In the end, it was just a tall complex several blocks away from the northern edge of campus. He followed Sasuke through the front doors, into the elevator where he punched the button labeled 8, and down the hall to room 816. 

Inside was a modest apartment, more furnished and put together than the majority of college student abodes that Naruto had encountered. There was a couch, a coffee table with books splayed out on it, even a houseplant in one corner. Naruto was impressed; most people he knew were hesitant to put down roots in a place so impermanent, always ready to pack up and move again by the time the school year ended or the lease ran up. They were in college, afterall, and no one was thinking of making a permanent home just yet. 

For some reason, Naruto found this newly discovered side of Sasuke wildly attractive. Then he cringed from the sheer embarrassment and tried not to look him in the eye. 

“Do not,” Sasuke said, “Track mud into my house.”

Naruto rolled his eyes, “Relax. I’m not five.”

“You’re right. A five year old would have never tried skating down that hill.”

Naruto was about to respond when a light grey cat crept out from the kitchen. “Woah!” he said, suddenly sounding very much like a five year old, “You have a cat!” 

Sasuke looked up from where he was untying his shoes, “Yeah. Don’t tell anyone though. This building doesn’t allow pets.” 

Naruto wondered how much more of Sasuke there was to uncover. He felt suddenly overwhelmed, as if he’d turned a corner in a maze and discovered an entire section he had missed before. Naruto filed this new information away into his mind, although he doubted he would forget anything about Sasuke anytime soon. 

Naruto watched Sasuke scoop up the cat and hold him out towards him, “You can pet him if you want. He’s nice. Usually.” 

_Just like his owner,_ Naruto thought. One day he’d be able to voice every passing thought to Sasuke, no matter how crude or crass, but right now he just said, “What’s his name?” 

Sasuke blinked, his expression turning blank. “He...doesn’t really have one.”

Naruto just stared. “ _What?”_

“There’s never any reason to call his name,” he said, scrambling for an explanation, “He just stays in the apartment.”

“But...” Naruto was at a loss for words. Sasuke didn’t strike him as one for practical jokes, but certainly he couldn’t be serious. “How?”

“He had a name on his adoption papers. But I didn’t like it so I never used it. And I never came up with anything else…” his eyes looked sort of dazed. Naruto wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

“We are naming this fucking cat,” Naruto said, “Right now.” 

Sasuke set the Cat back down on the floor. “ _You_ can name him. I have to take a shower.”

Then he turned and strode through a door just past the kitchen. Naruto wondered idly if he should have followed, before Sasuke emerged a minute later and tossed him a bundle of clothes. 

“Don’t even think about sitting anywhere in that,” he said, “You can use Suigetsu’s bathroom,” and pointed to a door to Naruto’s right, before ducking back into his room. Naruto heard the shower start up a few seconds later. 

In Suigetsu’s bathroom, Naruto stripped quickly and shoved his dirtied clothes into his backpack. He paused to observe himself in the mirror, letting reality catch up and sink in. 

He was in Sasuke’s apartment, Sasuke was taking a shower somewhere across the apartment, Sasuke had lent him his clothes and the clothes still smelled like him, not quite like the human part but like a combination of the inside of his room and whatever detergent he used. All these thoughts swirled like a vortex in Naruto’s mind until he began to feel dizzy. 

Just then, a knock came at the door. 

Naruto jumped at the sound. Could it be Suigetsu? But no, he lived here, of course he’d have a key. 

After a second the knock came again, and Naruto pulled the shirt over his head as he walked towards the front door. Him and Sasuke were about the same size, but the clothes were still unmistakably not his, much too black and just the wrong style of oversized. 

Naruto walked to the front door and peered through the peephole. He didn’t recognize the man standing on the other side—and yet he did. 

He looked an awful lot like Sasuke, except older and somehow even more serious. His hair was longer than Sasuke’s, his face more lined, but the resemblance was obvious. 

Naruto vaguely remembered a mention of an older brother, from what felt like so long ago. “ _We get along most of the time_ ” had been his words, to be precise. 

He had resolved to keep the door shut and leave Sasuke’s business alone before a voice, low and measured, cut through from behind the door. “Is someone there? I can hear you, you know.”

Naruto swore and reached for the handle, swinging the door open. 

The man who stood on the other side had a strikingly intimidating aura, something Naruto was unsure how to navigate. He wondered if this was how people who weren’t hopelessly crushing on Sasuke felt around him. 

“Oh. Hello,” came the deep voice again, surprisingly friendly, “I’m looking for Sasuke?”

“Uh, he’s in the shower,” Naruto said. And then his cheeks lit up, because he knew exactly how this would look to an outsider: the two of them alone in the apartment, Naruto wearing Sasuke’s borrowed clothes. He opened his mouth to explain everything, but the other man carried on unaffected. 

“I see,” he said, “Sorry, I’m not used to seeing guests here. I’m Itachi, Sasuke’s brother.” He stuck out his hand, which Naruto took. 

“Naruto. I’m a...friend of Sasuke’s.” It seemed ridiculous, almost disrespectful that he still had to use this label, when by now Sasuke no longer fit into the narrow confines delineated by “friend.” He thought there had to be a name for that precarious middle ground of friend-not-quite-turned-lover. 

“Ah,” Itachi said as if remembering something, “You’re his band member, aren’t you? He told me all about it.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Naruto said slowly. He had no idea what _all about it_ encompassed, but Naruto had the distinct impression that Itachi knew more than he was letting on. But if he was anything like his brother, he wouldn’t surrender that information easily, if at all. 

Itachi nodded, eyeing Naruto as if appraising him. “Well, I just came over to drop off some bread,” he raised the plastic bag in his hand, “And I don’t want to intrude, so I’ll get going.” He handed Naruto the bag, whose contents were giving off a warm, enticing aroma.

Itachi turned to leave, then seemed to change his mind. “You know, I’m glad Sasuke has you. He doesn’t always know what’s best for him, but I hope this time it all works out.” 

Naruto didn’t know what to say to that. There wasn’t enough time to respond, anyway, because Itachi had disappeared down the hall, the door falling shut behind him. 

A moment later Sasuke emerged from his bedroom with his hair still wet, a towel slung across his bare shoulders. Naruto quickly averted his eyes. He was positive that if he looked at Sasuke directly he would go blind or catch on fire or meet some other miserable fate. 

“Were you talking to someone? I heard voices,” he said, searching the room. 

Naruto, with his eyes still lowered, raised the bag in his hand, “Your brother brought bread.” 

“Oh,” Sasuke said. “I forgot he was dropping by. He’s been really into baking recently,” then he crossed the room and took the bag from Naruto, their fingers brushing in the process, and set it on the kitchen counter. The floor tiles, to Naruto, were suddenly infinitely fascinating. 

“Do you want some?” Sasuke offered, but Naruto declined. 

Itachi’s voice was still ringing in his ears. _He doesn’t always know what’s best for him_. Naruto rolled the words over in his mind, trying to assemble the point he had been trying to get across. On the surface it was just a passing comment, but it confirmed in Naruto the suspicion that Sasuke was more lost than he looked—perhaps just as lost as Naruto. The two of them were just beings bound by entropy, moving among the disorder, and hoping they would be lucky enough to meet the other somewhere in the middle. 

And just like that, Sasuke was made mortal again. Naruto wasn’t sure what he had elevated him to in his mind, but after the brief exchange with Itachi he felt, for once, that he had uncovered some essential part of him. 

“Are you okay?” Sasuke asked, readjusting the towel. The gesture was so weirdly sensual that it regrounded Naruto to the moment.

“Yeah,” Naruto said, “Yeah, it’s just...” Then he paused, because he wasn’t sure where to start. 

“Just what?” Sasuke’s voice had dropped, as if the weight of the situation had settled on him as well.

Naruto cast a careful glance upward, then cursed Sasuke in his head for having the nerve to show up without a shirt on. Then he cursed himself for overreacting, as if his naked torso was the most scandalizing thing he’d ever laid his eyes on. _Look at yourself,_ he chided, _this is just pathetic._

Naruto gathered himself and said carefully, “We should talk. About the other day.”

Sasuke stiffened ever so slightly, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I think you know,” Naruto said quietly. 

Sasuke was silent for a long moment. “Look,” he began, “I said I was sorry.”

But Naruto didn’t want an apology. By now he knew what he wanted, and he suspected Sasuke wanted the same thing. 

“What are you so afraid of?” Naruto said, gently, barely above a whisper. He took several halting steps forward until the two of them were face to face. From this close, Naruto didn’t have to look at his exposed chest or the joggers hanging low on his hips, he could just look at _him._

Sasuke met his gaze, steady. “I’m not afraid.” 

Naruto reached out with a stray finger, and traced the delicate lines of Sasuke’s shoulder. 

“Then prove it.” 

***

They didn’t kiss. 

Not when Naruto laid his hand on that familiar stretch of Sasuke’s neck, not when the towel dropped unceremoniously onto the floor beside them, not when he pressed Sasuke up against the kitchen counter, their bodies flush against each other. 

It wasn’t intentional, not exactly. There were so many other places that demanded his attention; Sasuke’s jaw, his collarbones, the smooth curve of his shoulders, and his neck—Naruto thought he could spend hours, days, lost in that expanse. An eternity could pass with him mapping out each inch of skin, listening to the way Sasuke’s breath rose and fell in response to each touch. 

But despite it all, he still hesitated before his lips. Naruto felt certain that the act of kissing them was the point of no return. 

He placed his mouth on Sasuke’s pulse, felt it flutter beneath him. A small noise escaped his lips as Naruto bit down. Desire shot through him, hot and heavy. 

Sasuke’s hands circled his waist, climbed up under his T-shirt. Naruto’s head was swimming. He thought he might pass out. Maybe he already had, and now he was dreaming. Naruto was positive he’d never felt anything like this in reality before. He was ready to sink to his knees, and deliver Sasuke the worship he deserved.

“Wait.”

It happened so fast, like something being dropped. 

Naruto froze, drew back. “What is it?”

Sasuke had stiffened, as if a realization had descended upon him. “We should stop.”

Sensation was slow to return to Naruto’s body, as if his body had been plunged into cold water and he had just resurfaced. Everything still seemed far away and fuzzy around the edges. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No. It’s not like that.”

_Then what is it?_

“Look, if this is about that stupid rule I made—” Naruto began, but Sasuke was already shaking his head. 

“I think you were right to make that rule,” he said grimly.

Naruto tried to gauge how he felt, but no matter how far he reached within himself, he found only emptiness. 

There were still questions he wanted to ask, but Sasuke looked so troubled that he knew he shouldn’t. 

Naruto knew then he wouldn’t be able to stand it if Sasuke asked him to leave, so he left before he could get the words out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i clearly had a lot of fun writing this. idk why but in my head itachi is nice and also likes baking ..


	12. chapter 12

The empty feeling followed him out the building, down the street, and all the way home. 

It wasn’t until he reached the solitude of his room that it began to morph into something else, something that hurt him to his very core. 

Naruto collapsed onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. The same ceiling Sasuke had gazed up at, the same sheets he had slept in. He realized with a start that he was still wearing Sasuke’s clothes. His presence was infused with this very room, within Naruto himself. 

Outside the sun was setting. Normally it would be Naruto’s favorite time of day, when the light turned golden and everything was drenched in an orangey glow. 

_What happens now?_ The question returned to him, this time with a pressing urgency. 

Naruto rose from bed, played some music, paced around his room, then tired of that and laid back down again. He wanted to sit still and think, he wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to scream at Sasuke, he wanted to make out with him. Anger and sadness and confusion clashed fiercely within him, until they all canceled each other out and he didn’t feel much of anything at all. 

In a frenzy, he rose and plugged in his guitar, began strumming chords in no particular order or pattern, and singing the first words that came to mind. 

“ _WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LIKE ME LIKE I WANT YOU TO?_

_YOU MAKE MY LIFE SO HARD BUT I’M STILL INTO YOU._

_PLEASE JUST FUCKING MAKE UP YOUR MIND_ _BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I’M LOSING MIIIIIINE.”_

By the end Naruto wasn’t singing so much as screeching. When the music stopped his throat was raw and aching, but he felt clearer in the head, the way the air felt crisp and fresh after a rainstorm. 

The door to his bedroom creaked open, and Naruto jumped at the sight of black hair—but it was just Sai. “You know, that actually sounded pretty good,” he said conversationally.

Naruto set his guitar down, “Hey, man. I didn’t know you were here.” 

The door inched open wider, “I was downstairs studying with Kiba and the rest of them. I was supposed to tell you to be quiet but...is everything okay?” 

Naruto sighed, “Uh. I was just practicing.” He figured by now his friends were sick of being plagued by stories of Sasuke. Naruto thought he would at least have the decency to spare Sai. 

“Is it Sasuke?” Sai said, and Naruto cringed. 

“Isn’t everything?” he responded. It was hardly even sarcasm anymore. He felt as if his days were more or less swallowed up by the melodrama. 

Emotions were such a burden, Naruto thought. Maybe Sasuke was right to compartmentalize them the way he did. 

But no, Naruto was certain that wasn’t the answer either. However troublesome it was, Naruto needed his emotions. To feel was to understand, and when you closed yourself off to the negative feelings, you denied yourself the full extent of the positive ones too. 

“What’s going on?” Sai asked, and Naruto debated whether or not to oblige him. _This concerns the whole band,_ he reasoned. _He deserves to know._

So he told him, leaving out all the details that still made him flush. 

Sai was a good listener, but he seemed to be at a loss for words when Naruto finished. “Why don’t you guys just talk it out?” 

Naruto started at his bluntness. “It’s...not that easy.” But in truth, it could have been. Nothing was stopping him from texting Sasuke, nothing substantial at least, just those bothersome emotions. 

“Well,” Sai said cheerfully, “You’ll see him no matter what tomorrow at practice. I’m sure you can sort things out then.”

Naruto nodded glumly, “Yeah,” he said, “I’m sure we will.” 

  
***  
  


All day, Naruto was a bundle of nervous energy. In class his leg shook so hard Sakura had to slap him three times before he stopped for good.

“What has gotten into you?” she asked him over lunch. 

Naruto picked halfheartedly at his sandwich, “Who else?” he whined. 

She only sighed in response, “You guys are so hopeless.” 

Finally, 6 PM rolled around and Naruto made his way to the Basement. Sakura and Sai were already inside the practice room, idly playing at their respective instruments. Naruto greeted them, unpacked his things, and waited. 

Five minutes passed, and Sasuke didn’t show.

“He’s probably just running late,” Sakura said.

After another five minutes, there was still no sign of him. 

“Maybe he forgot?” Sai suggested.

After more minutes, Sasuke finally appeared at the door empty handed, his guitar nowhere to be found. 

“Jesus, _there_ you are,” Sakura said, “Our time’s almost halfway up.” But Sasuke barely glanced at her. He was only looking at Naruto.

“I need to talk to you.” He said it solemnly, in a way that warned of nothing good to come. 

Naruto forced himself to lock eyes with him, and meet his gaze head on. “What is it?” 

Sasuke looked as if he were steeling himself. “I’m leaving the band.”

In the room, a heavy silence settled over them. 

In Naruto, the cold, sharp knife of betrayal, twisting and shredding his guts to ribbons. And underneath that, a sort of resigned acceptance. As if some part of him had seen this coming all along. 

In the moment, however, all he felt was the pain. It wasn’t the acute sting of a stab wound, but something duller, deeper. It spread from the center of his chest and radiated down to his fingertips. 

“Why?” Naruto made himself say. 

Sasuke swallowed, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t think it’s smart for us to go on like this,” he said quietly, “It won’t work out.” 

And although everyone was listening, Naruto knew the words were meant for him only. 

“So you’re just going to give up?” 

Sasuke clenched his jaw, “It’s for the best.”

“The best for _who?”_ Naruto demanded, his voice rising. “‘Cause I know it won’t be the best for me.” 

“You’re holding me back!” Sasuke said, and Naruto knew that something had snapped. “I can’t...I can’t let you do this to me.” 

“I just—” Naruto paused. _I just want to be with you_ , those were the words he bit back. He swallowed them down and fought to keep his voice steady, “I just want to be here for you. I’m not _doing_ anything.”

Sasuke looked up at him. For a moment, he didn’t look angry or tense—he just looked exhausted. “Yes, you are,” he said quietly, “And you have no idea.” 

Bands lost members and swapped them out for new ones all the time, it was almost an expected part of a group’s evolution. Naruto knew this, of course he did, so why did it still feel like the world had momentarily stopped spinning?

Naruto looked up at Sasuke, trying to seek out any trace of regret, sadness, pity; anything in his eyes that he could latch onto, but he was met only with a firm resolve. 

On Sasuke’s neck, half hidden by his hoodie, Naruto noticed a blue-purple bruise that had blossomed right where he’d placed his lips yesterday. The ache grew stronger. 

After another beat of silence, Sasuke turned and left. The door shut with a soft click behind him. 

Naruto stood frozen in place and stared at the spot Sasuke had been a moment ago. 

Something clattered behind him, Sakura’s drumsticks hitting the floor. The sound shocked him into action. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured, and threw the door open to follow him out.

Outside, Sasuke’s figure was rapidly receding down the block. 

_“Sasuke!”_

He didn’t turn around. Naruto broke out into a run, catching up to him under the halo of light cast by the streetlight. Dimly, Naruto noticed that it was the same stretch of road, maybe even the same streetlight, from that night that felt like so long ago. 

“I wasn’t done talking,” Naruto said once he was within earshot. 

Sasuke’s back was still turned as he regarded Naruto over his shoulder. “Lay it on me, then. You won’t be able to change my mind.” 

Anger bubbled up in Naruto, displacing all the sadness and distracting him briefly from the pain. 

“Why can’t you just make things easy?” Naruto demanded,“I want you,” he said, and Sasuke’s eyes flashed. “And I know you want me. So why run?” His hands itched to reach out, because he knew that just a single touch would quell the ache.

Sasuke’s expression was wavering. Naruto thought he could see the cracks, could peer into the space between them and see the vulnerability that lay beneath, like peeking into a room through a keyhole. He knew he shouldn't be seeing it—and yet he couldn’t look away. 

“It’s too much,” Sasuke said at last, “ _You’re_ too much. I can barely control myself around you, I can't focus, and that terrifies me. Is that what you wanted to know?”

Each confession struck Naruto with the force of a gunshot. He felt like staggering to the concrete and bleeding out.

“Sasuke…” but the words tapered away into nothingness. Everything else followed suit, slipping out of grasp and dissolving into thin air. Sasuke was standing right in front of him, but still Naruto was losing him. 

“I’ll see you around,” Sasuke said, but Naruto knew by now what he sounded like when he lied. 

He watched as Sasuke turned and retreated out of the glow of the streetlight, swallowed by the darkness that laid beyond. 

  
***  
  


In the following weeks, Naruto coped in the only way he knew how: by throwing himself headfirst into his band. 

He churned out music like someone was paying him to do it. He played until his hands cramped and his fingertips blistered. He sang until his throat grew raspy and his voice hoarse. And sometimes, he was even granted some fleeting and blissful moments where he would forget all about Sasuke. 

Konoha Crush was rapidly approaching, and with their spot in the lineup confirmed, he had all the distractions he needed. For now, they could get by as a three piece group, the wound still too fresh to consider a replacement. 

And despite its absence, Sasuke’s presence hovered over him like a spectre. He had been right, afterall; Naruto did see him around. He saw him in every lyric he wrote and chord he strummed, he saw him across every crowded lecture hall and at every bus stop, he saw him in his bedroom and even on his own hands, tainting everything like a stubborn stain. 

“Something is like, actually wrong with me,” he confessed to his friends one day at the general store. 

“You’re heartbroken,” Sakura said consolingly, “It’s normal.”

But Naruto wasn’t sure if that was true. He had been dumped and rejected before, but nothing quite like this had ever resulted. He wasn’t even sure if he had the right to feel the way he did, considering he and Sasuke had never truly been together.

And yet another part of him understood that heartbreak knew no rules or labels, all you needed was to love something for the loss to hurt. Perhaps it really was just a broken heart, in its truest, most unrefined form. 

In spite of it all, life carried on—and why shouldn’t it? Naruto didn’t think himself remarkable enough that the world would put itself on pause while he dealt with his loss. But it was still strange, the way his own private universe had shifted while everyone else’s remained untouched. 

His friends gave him what they thought was reassurance: that there were plenty of other brooding hot guys out there who wouldn’t break his heart, that it was probably for the better, that soon he would forget all about Sasuke and everything they had ever done together. It was this last part that stung the most. 

Naruto, for reasons he couldn’t quite explain, didn’t want to forget anything, and he didn’t want to move on. He knew that he would have to if he wanted to heal, but perhaps he didn’t really want that either. He would rip off the bandaid again and again if it meant that he could relive the way it felt to be with Sasuke, if only in his memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i had a lot of fun writing this chapter theyre just so dramatic...two more to go!!!!


	13. chapter 13

“Okay, can we take it from the bridge one more time? I really need to get this timing down.” 

Sakura stood up from behind her drum set, stretching her legs, “Again? This is like, the fifth time,” but she sat back down and obliged. 

Naruto nodded, “If I come in late then the whole chorus will be off.”

No detail was small enough to overlook—not when this was their last chance to practice before Konoha Crush tomorrow night. 

Naruto was nervous. He didn’t do well with nervousness, because nervousness usually entailed waiting, and waiting meant that there was nothing he could do to make the time pass faster. 

This time was no different, and if it were up to Naruto, he’d take the stage right this minute. Anything would be better than this endless nitpicking, making the piece as perfect as possible, and seeking out mistakes where there were none for fear of missing something essential. 

After half an hour, their time in the practice room ran up. Naruto packed his guitar away, his nerves amping up again as the show loomed ever closer. 

“We’ll be fine,” Sakura said, as if she could sense his nervous energy. 

“We’ve all been practicing like crazy,” Sai agreed. 

Sakura came up behind him and slugged him in the shoulder. It was a gentle sort of punch, the kind she reserved for joking around rather than inflicting pain. “You’ve done good, okay?” 

Naruto was so relieved he nearly teared up. For a moment he didn’t even care if he humiliated himself on stage tomorrow, all that mattered was that his friends were still by his side.

“No, you’re right,” he said, squaring his shoulders, “Let’s just have fun tomorrow.” That, Naruto realized, had always been the most important thing. 

He draped one arm across Sakura’s shoulder and the other around Sai’s as they left the room. “ _Let’s fucking go Team Seven_!” he cheered as he steered them out of the room and into the hallway that led to the exit. 

Sakura made a face, “Quiet down, you’re so—”

Then she stopped and fell silent, because facing them from the other end of the hallway was Sasuke. 

For a second, Naruto’s mind was perfectly blank, too overloaded to process anything properly. And then it all began to unravel. 

It was almost funny how quickly things could come undone, as Naruto realized with mounting horror, he hadn’t been moving on at all—he had just been forgetting. It was easy enough to confuse one for the other, and Naruto might have even gotten away with it if he hadn’t been confronted with a reminder.

He wasn’t sure what he would have done if the standoff lasted any longer. All he knew was that Sasuke, standing silently a mere fifteen feet away with his guitar, was a threat to the poorly constructed semblance of normalcy Naruto had assembled for himself in the past few weeks. 

So Naruto did the only thing he knew how to do: he kept going. He walked down the hall, not looking at Sasuke but still hyper aware of his every movement, and kept pushing right past him until he reached the front door. 

“Naruto.” 

He couldn’t help it. He turned around. 

Sasuke looked strange. Not sad, exactly, but definitely not angry either. He looked unsure, maybe even scared, Naruto realized with a sudden surge of guilt. 

“Good luck tomorrow.” 

Sasuke looked like he wanted to say more. Maybe he would have, too, but by then Naruto was long gone. 

***

Sleep evaded him that night.

Naruto thought about tomorrow’s show, and the slow, arduous process that had led him here at last. At one time it was everything he’d ever wanted, so why then, did he still feel as if something was missing? 

Things would fall back into place, he assured himself, they would settle into their old patterns. They had to. 

In time, his thoughts circled back to Sasuke, as they often did these days. It was in those hazy moments between sleep and consciousness, when his guard fell and his resolve weakened, that Naruto always found him. 

He was beginning to feel like some kind of addict. Naruto could wean himself off of Sasuke until he was clean, but he would still feel the pull of the temptation for the rest of his life, haunted by the memory of a high he could never reach again. 

He fell asleep hungry. 

  
***  
  


Naruto wasn’t nervous anymore. 

It was the first thing he noticed when he arrived at the Basement that night for the 6 PM calltime. All that was left now was adrenaline, the familiar rush that always left him feeling impulsive and a little bit invincible, like he could skate down Fourteenth Street a hundred times. 

He was practically vibrating with untapped energy as he met up with the rest of his bandmates. 

“You look like you injected yourself with caffeine,” Sakura commented, but even he could tell that she was pleased. 

Naruto scanned the setlist until finding their name near the middle, right after Shikamaru’s group. And then, as he searched the full lineup, a singular name at the bottom of the list caught his eye. 

A small, knowing laugh escaped his lips upon reading the words _Sasuke Uchiha_. Of course. 

It was strange, how the sight of this didn’t stir up any residual resentment. Naruto had made his peace with this part of Sasuke, had accepted that they trod different paths musically. In time, maybe he would learn to accept everything else as well.

Sai tapped him on the shoulder, gesturing towards the stage, “Soundcheck.” 

For the next hour or two, Naruto waited as the anticipation built inside him like air being pumped into a balloon. He gave up on sitting still and began pacing the length of the hallway where they waited. 

“You’re making me nervous,” Sakura said, “Please sit down.” But Naruto was pretty sure that doing so could quite literally kill him. 

He thought of Sasuke, like he usually did in moments of weakness. In this heightened state, every flash of black hair looked like him, and every singing voice sounded a bit like his. 

Naruto shook his head. He didn’t need distractions, not tonight. And although it pained him to shove Sasuke aside like this, this moment was for himself only. 

Finally, someone arrived to retrieve them for the performance. Naruto waited on the wings, adrenaline crescendoing until it buzzed in his ears.

Then he took the stage, and the world fell away. 

As far as Naruto was concerned, everything began and ended with this.

On stage, the past was shed and the future still unmade. The only truly inhabitable place was the present—so he lived each moment as it came, wrung it of all its worth like water from a rag. Time and space as he knew it was condensed into the guitar in his hands, the lyrics he belted into the mic. 

Naruto thought back to those late night practices spent obsessing over every small detail, and almost laughed. If he made a mistake out there, he hardly felt it. There was no time to dwell, to backtrack, or second guess, when the only direction to go was forward. 

He couldn’t see the crowd, but he could feel it. Energy reflected back and forth between them like a beam of light off of polished metal. 

Time passed differently when each second was lived to its fullest, so Naruto was no longer surprised when the set came to an end. He relished in the applause, and instead of the usual dread that tailed the end of the show, this time there was the comfortable knowledge that he would return to take the stage again, and again, and again. 

***

It was Sasuke’s turn. 

At least, he thought that was what Sakura said—it was hard to hear her over the noise. 

Naruto had lost track of time after his own set, weaving into the crowd and back out when the performances were lackluster. He was still hovering in the back room, just behind the last row of audience members. Naruto watched the receding backs of his friends as the crowd swallowed them, and contemplated if he should follow. 

The high from performing was beginning to wear off, and with it came the heavy dose of reality. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to return there just yet, so he hung back, clinging to the euphoria for as long as he could. 

Of course, there was another reason. 

He wanted to be closer to Sasuke, always, but this time Naruto held himself back. Call it a survival instinct, or self-control, or just plain stubbornness, but he refused to watch him from the front row. 

Instead, he watched from the back room as Sasuke climbed onto the stage. The sight of this swept him into a moment of deja vu, plunged him back to the memory of that night; when Sasuke was still only the boy with the black guitar and Naruto was just another mesmerized member of the audience. Then he thought, bitterly, that they were right back where they had begun. 

But no, something was different about this picture. Sasuke was holding a different guitar, not his usual glossy electric but a dark brown acoustic. And this time, when he began to sing, Naruto clung onto every word. 

_I used to think hell was other people,_

_but hell is just wherever you’re not_

It was—everything Naruto wasn’t expecting. 

The usual echoey ambience that was a hallmark of Sasuke’s music was gone, and in its place was finger picked melody on an acoustic guitar, about as bare bones as a song could get. Stripped down like this, there was nothing left for him to hide behind. 

_I’ll meet you there tonight,_

_and you can crash into me again._

Naruto was pushing through the crowd now, his willpower crumbling like a sandcastle lost to the tide. He had no idea when he’d started moving, hadn’t even remembered making the decision. He just knew he needed to be closer, pulled forward by something primal that his rationality couldn’t overcome. 

Sasuke had reached the chorus. 

_I think I just recognized you from the moment we met._

Naruto froze at this line. 

_I think you’ll know. I think you’ll just recognize them._

A coincidence? It had to be. 

_You made me believe in something bigger,_

_so I’ll let you change me for the better._

Naruto’s breath hitched in his chest. 

He was hurled back to that night spent out on the grass, those crucial moments when he had first glimpsed Sasuke for who he truly was. What had he said when Naruto asked him that question? 

Something cynical, probably. Something disbelieving. 

It was then that he realized this wasn’t a song at all, but a confession. 

_You can’t outrun what you need,_

_no matter how many times you try to leave._

Naruto had made it to the front of the crowd. By now the song was ending, the chorus coming around again for the third and final time. He stared up at the stage, breathless and slightly battered from the shoving, and tried desperately to catch Sasuke’s eye to find the faintest glimmer of confirmation. 

Sasuke didn’t see him in the crowd. In fact, he avoided his eyes for the rest of the set. 

When the lights dimmed and the applause erupted, Naruto felt something dim inside him as well. He had been overthinking, surely, reading too far between the lines for a message that was never there in the first place. 

But still, he knew Sasuke—knew that he was careful, too careful for such a large oversight. 

Now his feet were carrying him out of the crowd, and towards the side door that led backstage. He had to know for sure. 

But by the time he had pushed through to the opposite end of the venue and wrangled his way backstage, Sasuke was nowhere to be found. 

Naruto tore through the room frantically, but everyone he asked claimed they had already seen him leave. 

Outside, the sidewalk was empty. Naruto racked his brain for all the places where Sasuke could have possibly gone, knowing with unwavering certainty that he would follow him to wherever it happened to be. Then, a perfectly timed memory.

_I’ll meet you there tonight, and you can crash into me again._

Subtle, but direct. He expected nothing less of Sasuke.

Naruto grinned, and raced towards his second chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hard to write and I've hit sort of a slump recently...but its done now thank god
> 
> some songs that inspired the lyrics:  
> -this love by taylor swift (this song is like the thesis for this whole fic to be honest..)  
> -valentine by coin  
> -lets get married by bleachers  
> -angeles by elliott smith (i imagined the guitar/tone to be similar to this song) 
> 
> ty for reading :)


	14. epilogue

Naruto ran.

He ran until he left his doubts behind and the wind carried them away. 

Sasuke would be there. He would. This knowledge was as immovable as the pavement that thudded beneath his feet, as sure as his heartbeat that pounded out a fierce and terrifying rhythm in his chest. 

By the time he reached Fourteenth Street, Naruto was so breathless that he collapsed against a streetlight, heaving and gasping for air. When he looked up, the crest of the hill was empty. For a terrifying moment, the world opened beneath his feet. 

Then he approached the summit and peered down at the street that stretched beyond. And there, standing in the grass, was Sasuke. 

Love was a slippery slope, Naruto had discovered. You could descend slowly at first, then build momentum until you spun out of control. You could feel nothing at all, then everything at once. But in the end it hardly mattered, when the only thing you could do was let yourself fall. And Naruto had been falling for a long, long time. 

Sasuke looked up at him. His lips formed a silent word. 

As he ran, Naruto suddenly remembered something he’d learned from an apocalypse movie. When a planet enters the orbit of another, it is drawn by the force of gravity towards that planet’s center. From that moment, the fate of the two planets is decided: they are destined to move through space, pulled by that invisible force, until they inevitably collide. 

Or something like that. 

When Naruto reached Sasuke, he placed a hand against his neck, and retraced their celestial timeline: the gravity that had pulled him off course, the waiting, the bracing, and now, the collision. 

They kissed. 

As Naruto pressed their lips together, he thought he might destroy entire solar systems if it meant he could keep kissing Sasuke like this.

After a moment, Sasuke pulled back and pressed their foreheads together. With his thumb, he traced the length of Naruto’s bottom lip—slowly, reverently. 

“I was scared you wouldn’t come,” he murmured, “I was so scared it wouldn’t work.”

Naruto parted his lips and took the tip of Sasuke’s finger into his mouth, then watched as he shivered. 

“You know I’d follow you anywhere,” Naruto said. It was true—he had, and at last it led him here, although Naruto suspected he hadn't been following so much as been drawn. He never had a choice. He had been done for from the beginning. 

A slow smile spread across Naruto’s face as he kissed him again. Then again, just to remind himself of how it felt. Sasuke shuddered slightly.

“Are you cold?” Naruto asked, wrapping his arms around him.

No response. Sasuke just stared at him with an unfamiliar expression, one that sent a familiar warmth racing through Naruto. 

Sasuke had never worn his want so outwardly before, always preferring to hide it and leave the obvious pining to Naruto. But now, there was a hungry glint in his eye that Naruto recognized. He suspected it was the same one Sasuke now saw reflected back at him. 

“Let’s go somewhere warm.”

  
***

Naruto was trembling, but it wasn’t from the cold. He hardly felt the biting nighttime air anymore; he was only aware of the places where him and Sasuke intersected, each point of contact igniting a small fire under his skin. 

It was comfortably warm in Sasuke’s apartment. 

When they kissed, it felt different, heavier. Naruto thought dumbly, _it’s happening. This is really happening._ Then he stopped thinking entirely when Sasuke placed his lips against his neck and his hands under his shirt.

And then they were in Sasuke’s bedroom. In different circumstances Naruto would have paused to take it all in, eager to uncover this new hidden side of him, but at the moment he had more pressing matters to attend to. 

The lights were off, and Naruto reached over to turn on the bedside lamp. He wanted to see every moment of this.

Everything felt both natural yet carefully orchestrated. Each article of clothing shed, each careful press of skin against skin, until finally there was nothing left between them. 

“Please,” Naruto whispered into the shell of Sasuke’s ear. A prayer, maybe. Or a question. That was all it took. 

They fell into each other, brought to a perfect union through the sheer strength of their desire. 

Then it was too much at once—Sasuke’s warmth, his hips, his bare skin brushing against his own. How long had Naruto waited to have Sasuke like this? How many times had he dreamt of this expression on his face, lost in ecstasy? No amount of imagination could have conjured anything close to this reality. Naruto was dizzy with pleasure. 

He lowered himself, and pressed their lips together. Sasuke arched to meet him halfway. Something passed between them. It felt sacred. It felt like a promise. 

He felt the wave coming before it struck, and watched as it overtook Sasuke. This time when he rose, not even gravity could stop him. 

Afterwards, they lay together, cast in the half light. 

Naruto didn’t want to fall asleep, although he could feel his limbs growing heavy. Sasuke was sitting up, chugging water from a bottle. After a minute he passed it to Naruto, who placed his mouth where Sasuke’s had just been, and took a careful sip. Things were so easy now. 

“What changed your mind?” Naruto asked quietly. He didn’t specify, because he didn’t have to.

Sasuke studied Naruto for a moment before answering. “I thought they couldn’t coexist,” he said, “You and...everything else. But then I wrote that song and I realized it was the opposite.” 

He reached over and cradled Naruto’s face in his hand. “My muse,” he murmured absentmindedly as he traced the contours of his face. 

Naruto caught his hand and wove their fingers together. Every wrong turn and detour they had taken—it all seemed so inconsequential in hindsight. All roads led to here, like all veins led to the heart. They had never been lost, not when they had always known how to find their way back. 

Suddenly, Naruto bolted upright. “Holy shit,” he said, “We never named the cat.” 

Sasuke just sighed, and shoved a pillow at him, “Go to sleep, dumbass.”

  
***

Naruto craned his neck to see the stage. 

The venue tonight was large—larger than the Basement, at least, but that wasn’t saying much. 

“This is so exciting,” Sakura said from beside him, her hand in Ino’s, “I can’t believe Sasuke gets to perform _here.”_

“I can,” Naruto said. This was a real stage, fit for a real performer. Not that Naruto didn’t consider himself a legitimate performer as well, but Sasuke had always wanted _more_. And Naruto was more than happy to watch as he seized it. 

He remembered sending him off with a kiss before the show, running a hand through his artfully spiked hair. “You’re gonna do great,” he said, watching Sasuke tune his guitar.

“I know,” he responded, but he looked pleased all the same. 

Naruto had been ready to leave and take his spot in the audience when Sasuke called his name again.

He spun around to face his boyfriend, “Yeah?”

“I’ll find you,” Sasuke said, “I promise.” 

The lights in the venue dimmed. Naruto held his breath as Sasuke appeared on the stage to a smattering of applause. 

He began to play. Naruto didn’t think he was imagining the way Sasuke’s eyes would linger and catch on his. 

The stage lights were blinding. The crush of concertgoers was shifting, pulsating. The music was so loud Naruto felt the vibrations in his chest. And despite it all, he knew they would find each other, time and time again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i considered not making this so cheesy and fake deep but then i realized naruto is like that in canon already
> 
> anyways i am both sad and relieved to be done with this LOL. i originally wrote this because i was bored and i thought it would be fun but i think this whole process has helped me grow as a writer as well. ty for everyone whos commented nice things...ive never written a fic before (and i probably wont again at least for a while) but they really helped me stay motivated! thanks for reading and supporting :)


End file.
